July 16, 2009

A letter I wrote in '09 to a girl named Dashiel

Dear D,

“You worry too much, it’s only 3:30.” You said, looking out into the sky.

I’ve always been amazed by how you can tell time just by looking at the position of the sun. You don’t even own a watch. You said it’s because you don’t need one. You don’t go to school… You don’t go to work. Well, not everyday, at least. You were in a marching band and you played only on Sunday afternoons. I wonder how you manage when it’s raining or when the sky is covered with clouds so you don’t see the sun.

“I need to be home by 5:30.” I said, looking nervous.

“That’s two hours from now. Besides, your house is just one Jeepney ride from here.” You replied.

We were in the same scenario as the ones we have always been in: On the streets of Sta. Cruz, wandering around after we met-up in the plaza. You were always tired because you came all the way from your home in Rizal. But you didn’t care. All of the exhaustion disappears from your face whenever you see me. As for me, I was always worried that I might come across someone from my family or someone I know. Well, that’s what happens when you sneak out of the house to meet-up with someone you’re ‘not supposed to see.’ But then again, just like you, my face lit-up every time I saw you. You made me feel free.

“I wish I could spend every moment with you.” You said. “Just like this.”

You looked at me and gave me a faint smile. I smiled back at you and we stopped to savor the silence.

Once, I was walking leisurely along the Honorio Lopez Boulevard. Buildings and houses were on every side of the street, blocking the sky, as they always did. Trucks and taxi cabs were honking their horns and creating some sort of cacophony in the streets. This made me feel relaxed, though. Those buildings, the houses… they were familiar. They were the same things I saw everyday. They made me feel like I was home.

I passed by the bridge there and saw the sun glowing faintly, giving off a vague, red glow. I stood there for a moment, gazing at the twilight sun. I watched it set and slowly disappear from the horizon.

I kept on walking as it became darker. The evening breeze was cool and comforting. The moon started to rise and after a while, it was high above my head…It was beautiful. The way it stood out from the vast, starry, black sky; the way it shone subtly to light-up the dim city; the way it made everything under the night sky glitter like silver and diamonds… It was lovely, alluring…seductive, even. But the night was cold. The moon didn’t give me the warmth that I get during the day.

I wonder what would have happened if we didn’t go on separate ways. If I didn’t over think, If we didn’t have friends to tell us that we weren’t right for each other, If the idea of us being together was accepted by people, If I didn’t fall in-love with someone else. I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. Or rather, I knew what I had but I took it for granted, wasted it and fell victim to the beguiling, captivating charms of unrequited love. (Or should I say childish, obsessive infatuation?)

So here we are, still the same people as we were before. We’re still here for each other, still happy when we’re together, still friends…

There are some things that changed, though. We both grew older and more mature, that’s for sure. I’m going on to college next year. And you, you own a watch now because you work during the night at a call-center. You probably miss the sunlight and the blue skies like I do when I look up into the sky at night. The moon is enchanting yet dull, inconstant…cold. It makes me long for the comfort and warmth that the sun gives me just as you do. It makes me feel safe and loved, and it’s always going to be there, looking the same everyday yet shining brighter and brighter. And at night, it rests just to come back again the next day.

We’ll be together again someday. We’ve disappeared for a while, resting it all out, leaving somebody else to replace each other temporarily and to give us that faint, subtle light to keep the fire in our hearts burning. And tomorrow, we’ll rise up again and we’ll shine brighter than ever.

-N

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The mystery of life leave us wondering. People will come and go. Few will touch our hearts. I dated one woman three time is the span of 20 years. Our road crossed and we fell together.
"We’ll be together again someday. We’ve disappeared for a while, resting it all out, leaving somebody else to replace each other temporarily and to give us that faint, subtle light to keep the fire in our hearts burning. And tomorrow, we’ll rise up again and we’ll shine brighter than ever."
Love is hard to control. Heart can't be controlled. A excellent story. Made me think.
Coyote

[MoriartyMesa]

There is a song, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-rnmSQXE9Q Wish You Were Here- by Pink Floyd, while reading what must have been a private letter, I saw the honesty, no forced emotions, just, 'this is the deal'.


I also admire the bravery to expose yourself on the emotional level of publishing this, a humbleness a lot of us (me esp) forget.