plugged in

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil because I fear nothing. You have to have feelings to fear, and you have to have a soul to have feelings. I've had my soul ripped out and evil looks as gray as its antagonist: angelic. I'm alive but unsure if I'm well, I have feelings. Probably not the feelings you think of. I can touch, taste, smell, see, and hear. By all traditional views, I am completely fine. But I'm not. I hear noise, I see no colors, I taste nothing and feel the objects in my pathway. I have no original thoughts, If there was an opposite to artistic, I'm it. Though I have no traditional feelings, I act. I fit in. I blend and make my decisions based on popularity. Something tells me what to do. I cannot explain it but it happens. Day to day, I'm told what to do. Sometimes it feels as though I am shackled with chains. I'm not, but I am. I take my orders from the top and carry out my business as such. By tradtional measures I lead a completely normal lifestyle. Maintaining numerous jobs, hobbies and relationships can be an exhausting way of life. Every morning I start my day with the same routine and every night I complete my routine. I carry on conversations and use the same vocabulary until I'm told to switch it up. I begin and end meaningful relationships at the will of my controller. I don't have to but I do. Closing my eyes I see nothing, I have no beautiful dreams. I have no paintbrush or rhythm, my surroundings are numbers and movement equals equations. Compared with traditional achievements I've accomplished much and I am regar-ded highly in society but I feel completely incomplete.I have been desensitized of colorful pictures and beauty, I go with the herd because the herd is safe. I used to cry out for help. I was depressed so I took anti depressants, i sought piety but jesus never saved me. I thought it was probably just old age luring me. I can’t see my chains or my captors but they exist. The more I think about it, the more I confuse myself. I wasn’t always like this. There was a time when I sang, and danced, and laughed the way I wanted to without a care. Then it happened. 

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"Though I have no traditional feelings, I act. I fit in. I blend and make my decisions based on popularity. Something tells me what to do. I cannot explain it but it happens. Day to day, I'm told what to do. Sometimes it feels as though I am shackled with chains. I'm not, but I am. I take my orders from the top and carry out my business as such.

By traditional measures I lead a completely normal lifestyle."

A very good write...Thank you for penning...:)

[SarahV]

This is really really good and I mean that. I love the way you describe everything so well! Keep up the good work!

[i-human]

that's a horrid reality.. but it made for a great poem.