6 eyes, 3 watching

Three innocent children that werent lucky enough to have good parnents but, were to have each other. The parents abuse these children badly. All they have to keep the going other and their teddys.

         The world is not kind to everyone. Some people waste their fortunate lives. Some beg for something better. Unfortunately, you are born into life in your weakest state. As you age, you either drastically get better or worse. But certain things can help the underprivileged.

         Three children were born. They didn't get the privilege of caring parents. Each parent was poor, they all lived in a three room house with nine people. Not only were these parents uncaring they were against their children.

          The first family was the Johnsons. The father was Damien Johnson. The mother was Grettle Johnson.The son was Tiny Johnson. They had named him this because they thought it was funny how he would be humiliated later in his life. The parents weren't thinking this they were hoping. They figured it was payback for the child ruining their life.

          The second family was the Hendersons. The father was Frank Henderson. The mother was Sherri Henderson. The daughter was Nat Henderson. After they had given birth to Nat they abandoned her for two days and, they had a home birth. The only reason the kept her is that the check they got from the government.

           The third family was the Durks. The father was Jerry Durk. The mother was Beatrice Durk. The son was Burt Durk. Jerry and Beatrice hated their child the most.  Beatrice took copious amounts of drugs, smoked, and drank while pregnant. Even after birth, they would sedate him with sleeping pills so they wouldn't have to deal with him. Sometimes they would drug him just to watch him react.

           Even though they didn't have parents to rely on, they had each other. As they aged, they became smarter. They stayed away from their parents, and they stole money while they were passed out. After they walked to the gas station to buy food, and necessities. The entire family only had three rooms to share, and the parents occupied all 3. So the children created their rooms with cardboard and duct tape in the attic. Sometimes even the kids on the street would terrorize them and steal their money that they needed desperately. 

          One elderly man named Larry lived down the street who was kind to the children, and would offer them food. Larry was only about 70, but he couldn't walk very well because of his back problem he could only walk with a roller. He also was penniless to so he didn't have much to offer. But if Larry were able to share he would books, food, first aid, or close. The man also was fighting for his house as if he wasn't struggling already.

           As if it wasn't bad enough for Larry he also didn't have any family to help him. He only had one son who was insane and was permanently locked up. His son was caught many times spying on people thinking of himself as some vigilante. He was caught doing very disturbing things too awful people. His son's name was Cameron

           They didn't have much other than a couple of pairs of old close 25 bucks a month each and their stuffed animals. They loved those stuffed animals more than anything else in the world. How the kids were able to obtain them is a mystery, they just found in the attic when they woke up one morning. They assumed it was their parents, but these were too high-quality for their parents they barely bought them food they aren't going to buy them expensive teddy bears. The parents didn't care, and it kept the children occupied for free. Over time, they developed a stronger connection an almost concerning connection.

          One day, while Burt was rummaging through Jerry's pockets, Jerry woke up. Jerry was furious he beat Burt so bad he gave him a dislocated shoulder. Jerry cooled down a little and toned it down to screaming at Burt. Burt slowly breaking down returned the stolen money. Afterward, Jerry popped Burt's shoulder back and locked him in a closet. Burt was only six that day. In fact, that day was his sixth birthday. The other parents quickly caught on to the situation, and repeated Jerry's method minus the dislocated shoulder, and threw them in the same closet.

           At first, they were infuriated but eventually they realized they possessed a decent amount of money. Because of this, they decided they would go out to the town and waste all of it was getting wasted, and they wouldn't punish them as badly. So they left and got wasted. The children sat alone but together in an odd way, weeping. The parents returned at about sunrise. They were just about as fucked up as they were when they started. They opened the closet the children were asleep, but they had their animals, but the parents were too drunk to notice or care they were more concerned with terrorizing their children as punishment.

         About ten minutes later the kids awoke to the sound of their parent's menacing laughter, and because they were no longer in possession of their animals. They crept down the hall to what they would call the living room. Across the room was a glass door to the backyard where a small fire was helping itself to lighter fluid, dead grass, and sticks. But it was waiting to devour the desert that was composed of three different stuffed animals. 

          The children sat in terror of the idea that the only thing the loved was about to be torn away from them. Jerry notices them standing there chugs the rest of his beer, and grabs one of the animals. At this moment, the children realize they have to save their only beloved possessions and run to the door. The door was tied down and jammed they made sure they would not be able to get through. All of the parents are enjoying themselves sit and stare, they find it amusing, but Jerry had a haunting look on his face. It was more than that for him he was fulfilling some sick urge to terrorize his children. 

              Before Jerry gets the chance to throw them in Burt smashes a brick through the window, the laughter is silenced, and the kids sprint towards their animals. All the parents were frozen except Jerry, he drops the animal, bends down similar to a linebacker, and smiles. The kids were not intimidated, but they were unprepared for him to pound them like this. 

              As they were running Jerry gives Burt a full-fledged blow to the face, Nat gets a swinging elbow to the stomach, and then Jerry does one final leg sweep to Tiny, and he plummets to the ground. They all are unable to regain focus. They were expecting a good slap not a full beat down. The other parents sit in shock and turn to each other for reactions. 

               Jerry stands up and slowly throws every single one in the fire and after pulls their faces up by their hair to watch, he was obviously enjoying every single moment. Ironically this was the most beautiful sunrise they had every seen, but it was overcome by the darkness that had just taken place with them and in the fire and As the animals burn a black goo drips down each one. Damien suggests that they all go back inside and get wasted some more they all agree.

             Everything changed after this. The parents were more abusive towards their children, and the children were more distant toward their parents. All of the parents are also scared of Jerry now even his wife. Even before the bonfire the kids found time to be kids and loved their parents despite how horrible they were. Sometimes when the parents were sober, they would even give their children affection. But now all of what was left of their child-parent relationship had disappeared. The children didn't even talk to them anymore; sometimes they would get beat for it, but they didn't care anymore.

           A couple of days later the kids walk up their attic to see all of their animals laying on their makeshift beds. They decide not to tell their parents. However this happened doesn't bother them they were just happy to have their animals back. This plan would've worked if they didn't scream in happiness at first, and raise the parents suspicion. A couple of minutes later the parents walk up their stairs to see the children with smiles on their faces talking to the animals. "how did you get those?" Jerry screams. The kids don't pay attention and Jerry tries to take the animals, but the kids run back screaming. Jerry moves forward, but the kids run to the other ladder and fly out the house. They only place they can think of hiding is Larry, so they do.

           They burst through the door and slam it behind them. They looked like completely different children because they must have lost at least 10 pounds for a 6-year-old that's about 15%. "Larry help us are parents are gonna kills us.". Nat yells. "What going on, I'm busy with family matters. Wait where did you get the- " says Larry in confusion. Before he could finish Jerry breaks down the door knocking the kids down." trying to get me put in jail, YOU OLD F**K!" says Jerry. He then throws Larry out of his chair onto his back. Jerry then proceeds to slam Larry's cane on his back. The children scream in terror, and so would Larry but there was no air left in his lungs Jerry finally stops and Larry gasps for air. "come on guys, let's raid this dinosaur's house." says Jerry. They let go of the children and run into the other rooms. The children run to Larry, but he isn't conscious anymore. 

         Little do others know Larry was ordered to keep an alarm necklace on him at all times in case of the possibility of him falling. Larry pushes the button, and the kids have no idea what he is doing, but Frank does and stomps on Larry's hand breaking the bones and the alarm. "Jerry we gotta split, not long till someone is here Larry ratted," says Frank. The parents hurry through the door dragging their slaves along with them. "Jerry, we gotta get outta town like now," says Damien. The parents throw their children into the trunk of their 1990 Ford Crown Victoria like suitcases when you're late for your flight. The 1990 Ford Crown Victoria is also known for looking like the old police cars, so people move out of the way quicker when someone is flying down the street at 75 mph. This car was not known for having a comfortable trunk, so the kids were taking a lot of steel to their heads. Eventually, they slow down, but it's rough they don't stop until about 30 minutes later. The children are terrified as the hear their parents approach the trunk.

          They parents open the trunk and yank the kids out by their ears. For some reason, Nat isn't moving, though. " Nat get your a*s outta that trunk or your gonna have a lot more to deal with!"  says Frank. Frank pulls her out and blood is coming from the back of  Nats head. " Just leave her. we gotta move Frank," says Damien. "No we will carry her," says Tiny. " Well then get moving you little s***s," says Jerry. Durk and Tiny stumble down the rigid forest with Nat in their arms, and their animals under their arms. "you, F***S, are really gonna get it, this time, you hear me." yells Frank. "where are we going." Tiny lets out. "your uncle used to own a cabin we can wait there until things die down." Jerry says as he turns back to check on them. "WHY DO YOU STILL HAVE THOSE SACK OF S**T," Jerry screams back at the children then jerks back and throws their animals into the wood. "How did you even get those did you steal from us again," Jerry adds. "No, we just found them," Burt yells back. Jerry looks back in anger. "boy, you will, not yell at me," Jerry yells back as he lunges to smack him but before he does he sees head lights down the path they came from. "alright speed up they are catching on to us drop Nat we don't have time." Jerry says as a silenced scream. "no we aren't leaving her." Tiny protests. Jerry grabs Nat then drops her and pulls the kids but they grab the trees and pull. "Fine I'll carry her," says Damien as he picks her up with ease being the biggest. They run down the trail but the have seen no sign of the man behind the headlights. 

           After about 15 minutes they reach the cabin and rush inside." what in the f**k was that you almost got us caught," Jerry screams. Damien drops Nat on the ground. They didn't know it was this bad she was still breathing, but she was covered in blood. Grettle throws up on Nat. "god damn it Grettle you useless b***h go fix her up in the bathroom I'm going to deal with the other mistakes." says Jerry. Grettle and Sherri move into the bathroom. "wait where's mom." says Burt. "s**t we left her asleep at home f**k she is going to f**k us over." Jerry yells with an aggravated tone. "You little s***s are gonna get the beating of a lifetime," shouts Jerry in the same tone. Suddenly there is a loud bang on the door. About one minute later they hear a struggle in the bathroom. Frank walks over to the door and opens it and looks down because he is more concerned about the cops. "who's there Frank." says Jerry in concern. Frank turns on the patio light and steps aside. Sitting on the ground are 2 stuffed animals. 

            "who the f**k is doing this. Get the girls out here now." Jerry screams in a panic. Damien bolts to the door and jerks it open. "Jerry you need to come here now," Damien mumbles in pure terror. Jerry walks over to see Grettle and Sherri laying on the ground with their throats slit open, Nats animal sitting on top of them, Nat was nowhere to be found, and the window is wide open. The kids run outside and take their animals. Frank runs having no idea what happened in that bathroom. "what the f**k are we gonna do." Damien cries in a panic. "we are gonna leave them all ok on my count we are gonna run straight to the car." Jerry says in his version of a calming voice. "we are gonna move to Ohio or something they won't ever find us." Jerry says again. "ok just give me a minute. Says Damien. They stand there for about 30 seconds until they see Frank crawl in front of the door with blood coming out of his mouth. He drops in front of the door with tiny's animal pinned to his back with a hook. 

            "right f*****g now Damien," Jerry says as he steps over Frank running to the car. Jerry yanks the passenger's door open and throws himself inside. " hurry up Damien you know I can't drive for s**t." Jerry yells out the window. Damien jumps into the driver's seat and turns the key.The car doesn't start. "what the f**k is going on Damien," Jerry yells in concern. "whoever is doing this must of taken out the spark pl-." Damien mumbles until a knife is shoved through his throat. Jerry jumps out the car without hesitation and b-lines his way back to the cabin. Jerry drops over dead Frank and slams the door. Jerry runs around the two-room cabin locking the windows and doors. He runs the fireplace and grabs a fire iron. he sits next to the fireplace panting and holding back tears. "please god I don't want to die. I know I've done some bad things I'll change I promise." Jerry cries out. Suddenly he hears something on the roof. He stands up and backs up slowly with the fire rod at the ready. after a few seconds of silence durks, animal falls down the chimney. Jerry loosens up a small amount, exhaling in relief.  A few seconds later the lights cut off and Jerry backs up and hits the bathroom door. he stands there for a few seconds until he realizes he never closed the window.

         About a week later the police tracked down the cabin and found all of the bodies. They visit Larry in the hospital to explain what had happened. An officer walks into Larrys room. "hello sir I just have a few brief questions about this case." says the officer. "ok." Larry says in a depressed voice. "you can start by telling me what you know about the children and the parents." says the officer  "there is nothing I can say- you don't already know." Larry replies. "ok, what about the stuffed animals." the officer replies.

"Wait, there were stuffed animals there?" Larry replies in a concerned voice.

"Yes, do you know anything about them?" The officer spoke in an intrigued voice.

"No, it's just my son used to make those with cameras inside and spy on people. As a kid he did some disturbing things."

"Sir, we found cameras inside those animals. I need you to tell me everything you know."

"He left one of the adults alive, didn't he?"

"Yes, how do you know that?"

"How do you think I'm still alive?

                                               

                                                  

                                                                      THE END

Author's Note

Trying to go for a supernatural mood, then surprise you and explain it was all just a man.

Reviews

[LastMonth]

Well. As you've writtein in the Author notes, grammar and punctuation are somewhat of an issue here.

But the story itself is engulfing and enthralling. I loved it.
I especially loved that ending, a powerful line indeed.

One thing that does bother me is the connection between being poor and hating your children. I guess it wasn't purposeful, but it just kinda irked me. Some of the best parents are those who didn't have much.

[skyler]

the reason i made them poor was because if they were rich they could hire people and wouldnt need the support from the government and they were irresponsible thats why they are poor if the worked hard they wouldn't be there it was just a formality because i was thinking the parents kinda blamed their children because they wont blame themselfs

[LastMonth]

That makes perfect sense. I suppose it does.
And since you wanted a connection between the three children you couldn't really had some of them poor and some of them rich.

Still, you only addressed my poor comment. In general I liked your story quite a bit, I hope that this fact wasn't overshadowed by my comment about the economical statue of the families.

[skyler]

no i understood and i thank you for that im just trying to let you understand why they are poor. i was never very rich and my parents never did this bad. I don't really think of a political standpoint behind my storys they just kinda pop up then i have to fix that part.

[J. Justice Mendez]

I hope you don't expect me to read this and review a second time. :E It doesn't seem to have any revisions to it, some I'm just going to judge it in the competition based on what I remember from the story. That being said, I didn't really find it scary, but I did feel really bad for the children in the story the entire time. It was actually a little difficult for me to read something where the children were spoken to in such a harsh and demeaning manner, considering most of my childhood was similar but not as heavy.
In my opinion, I would tone the abuse aspect down a little.

[p]

This was pretty great!

I was expecting a supernatural element like you mentioned in your author's note, and I was surprised to find out it was human in origin.

I must also say... Damn that was depressing.

Really good.

[skyler]

thank you that is what i was going for

[barleygirl]

Oh how I wish you would spend some time on the mechanics of your writing, becuz this is a very powerful story! It's not only that the storyline is gut-wrenching & spellbinding, holding the reader's attention thru-out, but also there are many clever turns of phrase that show your skill at writing. Your straightforward style of describing the horrors in these families is very haunting & memorable. That's why it's such a damn disappointment to try to weed thru the many errors. You do yourself a great disservice by giving your immense storytelling & writing talent such little time & regard.

[J. Justice Mendez]

The story itself isn't bad at all. Despite the grammar and punctuation issues, the only thing I had a problem with was your dialogue. Usually, each line of dialogue is separated so it's easier to follow a conversation. The last paragraph confused me because I didn't really know who was saying what. For instance:

"Wait, there were stuffed animals there?" Larry replies in a concerned voice.
"Yes, do you know anything about them?" The officer spoke in an intrigued voice.
"No, it's just my son used to make those with cameras inside and spy on people. As a kid he did some disturbing things."
"Sir, we found cameras inside those animals. I need you to tell me everything you know."
"He left one of the adults alive, didn't he?"
"Yes, how do you know that?"
"How do you think I'm still alive?

The best advice I could give you would be to keep writing. The more you right, the better you'll get at it. You can already create a great story, you just have to work on the way you present that story to the reader.