Of which he couldn't accomplish

A short story about the struggle many teenagers experience.

 ”Throw yourself off the cliff, it’s completely safe!” Janna yelled with a shrieking voice. I wondered for a moment why she was so eager to see me jump. I had always been afraid of heights, but for some reason this was not what bothered me at this point. I had been longing for an adventure for a time. It was actually quite a surprise when i was told that i would be escorted out on a trip to the cliffs. My family hadn’t been themselves lately. They all seemed to be in some kind of grief. Over what i still can't figure out. Nothing tragic had happened to us, yet a sad smile was all they could accomplish whenever I asked them a question or said something nice to them. I know i probably haven’t been the best son over time, but how should i be able to live up to the standards they have to me? I’m not like the other children in our family and especially not like my sister. Everyone’s rolling high with exceedingly good grades and whatever they touch turns into gold. Or that’s at least what it looks like to me. Why in heaven is it so hard for me, to do what I feel like and still feel accepted. I DON'T want to be a dissapointment anymore. Is as much acceptance and approval as you give my sister too much to demand? ”Carl! What are you waiting for?!” Janna loudly shouted at me. She just don't get it. She doesn’t get it like none else does. Do you know the feeling when you think you should be happy, because you actually have a rather easy life, but for some reason can't find the right happiness because something is blocking it? I have that feeling all the time. I should be happy and appreciative for not starving like poor African children, but standing in the shadow of my rich and smart sister, wow, I’d give my right hand to live in less educated family, where I’d be the light of the family. If someone could free me from these shackles of expectations and let me impress people with what I accomplish instead of just pushing me into doing the expected. This poisonous happiness will probably never leave me unless I should find an unexpectedly and probably unrealistic job, which of course has to be something my family acknowledges. This is an undeniable hard time consumer in my every day. To think of what I can do to feel accepted. I even considered traveling away from everything. I mean just leave it all behind and start from the bottom, where I am met with no expectations to what I shall accomplish in life. No pressure to push me into a job that i probably would never enjoy anyways. And do you know what the worst part is? My perfect sister who thinks she is some sort of Savior of mine. She thinks she is so freakishly smart because of her good grades. She wants to lecture me in any aspects of life. Funny thing is that she is not even that intelligent. She’s a good schoolgirl, studied hard and got good grades, but oh boy, when it comes to things such as metaphorical speaking and references in the everyday language, she doesn’t get it. She can't tell when people are being ironic, sarcastic or simply telling a little cryptic joke. It can even be hilarious, but like poisonously hilarious. After all, it doesn’t really matter, because they don't care about intelligence. All the care about is knowledge of the subject you’re studying and how much you’ll be able to earn when you later in life find a job. If you..I.. do. I am literally so tired of it all. So tired that I am going to jump. But where to? ”Janna, what’s life about?”. Silly question to ask my sister.. It’s safe to say that she’ll state the obvious, just as it is safe to say that I’m ready.

Author's Note

Grammar errors may occur, haven't run this thoroughly through.
What do you think? :)