I Remember

A tale of long gone heartache meets the future self

I remember the falling petals of a cherry blossom. I remember the way they swirled around in the crisp air of mid March. As they collapsed to the ground, they formed a beautiful image on the scorching pavement.  My feet were blessed to walk upon the same ground as you did. I remember the clear sky. Its pureness reflected in your azure eyes.

I remember thinking of you. Still. Even though I told myself that I let you go a long time ago.  You haven't abandoned my life, yet. I am writing this because I know you will never read it nor comprehend how deeply I felt about you. In a few weeks from now, it will all be a distant memory.  I will hopefully leave this insipid little town I've unfortunately been linked to my entire existence. I will walk away to build a better future for myself. We do not see eye to eye; we never have. You've always settled for what life gave you. I was never like that. I always aspired to more than what I had. I need to explore all of my options.

 I remember when your eyes took my breath away. A fugitive yet meaningless glance my way and I was gone. Your eyes were of such brazen sincerity. Still, they were cautious about me. Your eyes told me just enough to realise that I will never know what lies behind these big blue eyes of yours.

I remember the butterflies swirling in my stomach, expecting to see you sitting in your chair every single weekday. On the rare occasions when you were gone, my heart dropped to my stomach. I had hoped you would show up.

I remember the disappointment etched upon my face. My subconscious had fathomed stories that would never be. It was supposed to be you and me. Of course, what we would have had would've never been ideal, nor I expected it to. I just wanted to believe. Ah, the naivete with which a young soul can perceive love.  Love. Such a peculiar word, isn't it?  It's an incohesive feeling. When one is in love, he cannot see or think about anything else. Almost obsessing over finding a "soulmate" which they're bound to for eternity.

I remember, now I remember things clearly.  I fell in love with what you seemed to be, not who you really were. A soon to be man, ghost in the shell. From kind and considerate, slowly, you shifted into a careless and conniving boy. I regret not seeing it sooner. I painted a picture of you based on hearsay. The artist fell in love with its masterpiece. How ironic.

I remember that  I tried to be the bigger person and deprived myself of all expectations that you will see me for what I am. Instead, I put on a friendly front. Maybe it was for the best that you never knew me for who I was, but chose to accept as much as I exposed of myself. I was a work of art and you were the watcher, unable to decipher my significance.

Thank you for that. For being a better friend than my first love. It just was not meant to be.I have to take care of myself now. I have to tend to my hopes and dreams and see where life takes me. Perhaps we'll meet again one day. I'd like that.

 All the best from a hopeless advocate of romance.

Reviews

[Franky]

I like this. I have felt this way and had this result on more than one occasion. I appreciate you putting this to such elloquent words that I can see myself in.

[nightshade]

this was kind of hard to read as there was absolutely no plot, no conflict and no characters. the aesthetic that came off was rambly vague teen journal talking about a crush. I couldn't get much more out of it than that, but if that was what you were going for great job.