light in the dark

I know you are in there 

somewhere in the dark 

I feel you in here

inside the center of my heart

if you don't come out to play 

i wont stay 

if you don't hurry up

i am going to give up

get on out you creature

you scared little thing 

come on out you teacher 

i'm gunna give you wings 

Reviews

[Emily B]

a few things

I would change the first line to* I know you are in there, because your should be you're but the added syllable gives the line a little more grounding

the third and fourth lines i would slash down to the bare minimum *I feel you here *in the center of my heart

Listen to the words as you read them. Hear the voice of the poem as it rises off the page. I like the absence of punctuation, space is really all you need to regulate the rhythm here

just a little sanding and this will be a jewel

[Rahul]

some lines're very powerful, nicely penned, i loved your concept and theme as well.

[Arsh]

lovely write

[Azriel]

good piece, although it's short it does say a lot. really loved how you referred and addressed "light" in this one

[Salar Majak]

i actually like this one, it feels some what true, written from the heart, sure there are some mistakes , but by and by, reading more, writing more, you'll be able to avoid them and develop a pattern for your own :)