Self.

self.

underneath the pitty

beyond the self sabotage..

in the dark of my selfishness

i lay inside my un-admitted dreams

surrounded by the honesty

I feel the truth rumble

I close my eyes in lies

knowing I  seek the light

I cover my ears so I can’t hear within

Reviews

[TLK]

This is an interesting glimpse behind the bars of a mind's own prison. I think it could be extended to show more of the self-flagellating mindscape. We got from pity to self-sabotage -- is there something deeper which is even worse? As well as the dreams to which you do not admit / are not admitted to (nice double meaning) what about the nightmares that you participate in too freely when your secrets are closed off to others?

Behind your face, what screaming skull lies beneath?, I ask.

There is a lot of Freudian stuff to this -- unconscious forces, an inability to admit to yourself the truth, these forces coming out in odd ways. Freudian psychology is not exactly about being 'true', as it's all about metaphor and stories, so no wonder it's a massive aspect of modern writing. If you don't know about it, here's something to get you started:
http://www.simplypsychology.org/little-hans.html

Few typos: "pitty", "sabotage..", and one uncapitalised pronoun "i".

[featherstoflight]

You cant understand how greatful i am.

[TLK]

I can begin to. I have also birthed babies that I have been proud to say live for at least a few precious moments before the curdle under the weight of my linguistic impotence. Each breath they shudder through, no matter how painful, gives me joy. And I want to ask others -- can you see that this one lasted longer? Can you see that it had more life to it, its limbs were better proportioned, it almost had a second eye?

And I know that they would only see an abominable imperfection and, silently, I cremate it here, in secret, where no-one knows me. And I think: surely, everyone here shares me feelings. They will come to share with me those few good moments as we scatter ashes together.

But, y'know, mostly my stuff doesn't get very useful reviews and I'm like "c'mon!".

Sorry for the radical shift in tone there, but I was taking the metaphor too far.