How to properly shop

Step one:

   Hurry! As you dart gay with glee straight to your local quicky mart. In this situation, dress attire does not matter. In fact, if you got that shirt that doesn't fit, wear it. Trump hat, wear that. Cookie monster sweatpants, were that. Anything that says make a meme out of me, wear that!

Step two:

   Once at your local quicky mart. Get a cart! The one with the wobbly wheel will do. The one that will seem to at every push fight you and turn around with a jerk, causing you to slam into others. "You jerk!" is shouted at your back! ahhh! You have no time for that! You're a shopper on a mission. So you circle jerk till you make that cart your b***h and work. Ya work for daddy b***h! You are a bad cart aren't you? Ohhh wait... got off track. Sorry for that.

Step three:

   Steer your cart down an aisle while looking for items you may desire as you jump on it like you did when you were a little child. Oh f**k!, as you tilt it back to the realization your not little anymore! In fact, your too fat for that as you bust your a*s in the middle of the store. Hey, let's not do that anymore. Also, leave that mess that what they get paid for...ya let's just move on...Down the aisle looking like a bozos for bogoz ,Coupons, and any buy one get one free. Some of these items you wouldn't normally eat but, when it's cheap your like a swinger at a group-on! ... Hard swap.

Step four:   

   On to the countless other aisles where there's a trail by fire of reading ingredients, checking for cracks in eggs, making sure the bananas are ripe but not too ripe, checking out all the melons, and that the milk is not gonna be expired before you get home. Also,note to self, if you are shopping not just for yourself, there is no baby formula on the shelves. Oh no, not for you, citizen, unless you are not a citizen...either way when your done head to the boarder...uhh, I mean check out.

Step five:   

   Congratz your still alive and at checkout. Where an overworked employee that has been here way to long can ask you "did you find all you were looking for?" The return question should be, did you in this job? But, before becoming a meme in a compilation of memes in Walmart, we just wont start and just go directly to the next question by the bag boy...oh boy, I could really start. "Paper or plastic?" Ohh s**t, now this is a real tough pick. See one's bad for the environment and the other one kills the fish. This is why I can't have a f*****g straw anymore! Thanks sea turtles....Oh and sorry whales, we are on to sea turtles now. We're not saving you anymore...now as all items are scanned, use your chip and any other payment method. From coupons which trust me the cashiers love, to cards, or food stamps, which are now cool; because nowadays it means your getting over on the man and f**k big government, which actually, if you're a democrat, you support but, will boycott it at the same time? because f**k big government???  Also, no one uses cash anymore, boomer. That's to give to the homeless, girl scouts, or the begging Santa with a bell outside the store.

Step six:   

   Upon leaving the store with the bag boy who will do all the work for you by unloading your cart into your car and you will give him no tip except to make better choices in life. Once he has gone in disgust. There is one more thing to do and that is a must. It is a secret law of shopping. When opening one's driver's door, you must swing the door as far as possible in the hopes of accidentally hitting the car besides you causing a scratch or dent. Upon doing this, you will make a judgment call which will always fall in the realm of leave as quickly as you f*****g can. Thee end. 

by the unknown sith

Ps: The following are advanced tactics for advanced readers only.

A. Your cart is your weapon :Take your cart and push it at any given direction and see what it hits. Also, in this leave f*****g quick.

B. Own your aisle: by use your body and cart to cut off an aisle by placing your body opposite from your cart. This demands respect or grown from others. Also there is a possibility of assault in this tactic. So keep your phone ready.

C.Grub on your hub: Get online and get some sucker to shop for you and hope that your ice cream doesn't get fingered fucked.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: These are the view of a man that is clearly unstable and should be dismissed as an idiot that knows nothing of nothing at all. He is a boomer and practices an old barbaric form of expression called sarcasm. This behavior is not to be encouraged more to be ignored.Honestly he is a little dick punk b***h full of s**t..sith

Reviews

[Stuart Munro]

, I went to Walmart once when In America , wish I’d seen your instructions , in the Uk , you can expensive and posh , oh sorry for banging your trolley old chap , or rough and tumble , with maybe trolley rage , Yeh Yeh Yeh , Right , push and shoving in the butter section , maybe
Till people usually , like to leave you short when they put goods down after scanning , so I usually say , hey mate , ive got short arms , alright ,,,,having a coffea in a supermarket , you usually get served by a woman wrestler , the Cappo Strangler , asking a cant be arsed assistant , where’s so and so , gets I don’t know , I only started Today , Doh

[Stuart Munro]

In the Uk , especially Tesco’s , Trolley rage , narrow isles , unhelpful assistants , Don’t know , Mobile Phone staff ,
car parks so tight you have to squeeze through a little gap when the door is open , Fantastic write ,