cigarettes, existentialism, and the wandering mind

I’ll open a pack of cigarettes 

When the night is that kind of cool and crisp

When the sun is setting 

And your bones start to chill

Or when the morning is wet and heaviness clings to the air

 like a lover after a one night stand 

But they still lie in your bed in the morning

I’ll open a pack of cigarettes.

To contemplate, to wonder, to idealize 

The possibilities of a tomorrow I don’t yet want to come

Because I’m stuck in now and I don’t want to leave

Because the nicotine has calmed down the anxieties

Festering inside, day after day, 

Until only the sweet tobacco of American Spirit

Finally relieves me of the chains around my mind.

Until I only worry about my increasing risk of cancer

But I ignore it

Because I’m sure my stress would kill me quicker

I’ll open a pack of cigarettes

On a quiet night

Nothing

Just me

Just the stars

And the cloud of smoke to keep my company

As I philosophize whether I’d call myself an existentialist 

Because yes, the world has that sort of agonizing freedom

That is crippling but so damn beautiful

Because I have all the freedom to become 

The very best me, Defined by me

I can become that person who lives life by her own rules.

Who is so authentically herself

Others say to themselves

I want what she has

I can become that person who 

Promises this will be the last one

It won’t be

I’ll buy another in a week

Reviews

[Arundass TP]

A truthful poem pointing thoughts on freedom of social expression. Excellent writing

[emmajoygreen]

Original, unique, quite exciting words doing their 'own thing, no apologies, no explanations but YOU

'Because I have all the freedom to become
The very best me, Defined by me
I can become that person who lives life by her own rules.
Who is so authentically herself'

Choice is freedom and you have both the right to enjoy it and - the write to tell all if you want!