Canvas Confessions of A Feathered Genius

Two spectacularly spiffy wanderers walking the road (of life, *cough* metaphors). (Yes, it's a play)

 

 

[Two travelers walking down a dirt road. One is a young woman wearing drab, masculine clothing and a frumpy hat that makes her look far beyond her years. The other is a young man with long, disarrayed hair. He is wearing a worn, but once expensive suit and despite his disheveled appearance, he is cleanly shaven and smells of soap. Both are carrying messenger bags. The woman is walking a step or two behind the man]

 

Raven: [Says while tossing an apple up and down] My! What a marvelous world it is! All the little creatures scurrying about this morning are terribly interesting. I wonder how such small minds know enough about life to survive as well as us. And the sky! How infinite its calmness is! Elegant and crisp.

     Oh, miss blue,

     I covet these too,

     The soft blushing flowers,

     The color of the sea,

 

     The tall fat mountains,

     The crooked town roads,

     All these wonders touch a place in me.

     And blue, oh blue, all of the—

 

[Woman snatches apple out of the air and chomps down on it]

 

Raven: That was the last one!

 

[Woman contemplates the fact and then holds out the bitten apple with a smile]

 

Raven: I don’t want it now.

 

Blue: An animal would have it.

 

Raven: Well, I’m not an animal!

 

Blue: That’s unfortunate. [She takes another chomp out of the apple] What’s your name again?

 

Raven: Raven.

 

Blue: Thought so. Not an animal, I see.

 

[She walks ahead before he has a chance to reply]

 

Raven: You know, its common courtesy to face a man when he’s talking.

 

Blue: [considers] Yessum, but I’m quite uncommon and what’s even more uncommon in this uncommon world is to face a lady when SHE’S talking.

 

Raven: [befuddled, says the first come back he can think of] Well, you better not talk to the Earl of Danbury that way or e’ll have your tongue and boot you to Pluto or Eden or the pyramids or some other place far away from here.

 

Blue: Pluto appears to have a beautifully spectacular view, but it seems like it’d be rather lonely there. And the gates of Eden are supposed to be protected by a flaming sword, but you are, after all, a master fencer. And then there’s the ruins, and the pyramids and such. If I were eaten by a booby trap, no one would know. [She frowns] That last one’s rather depressing. But, it’s merely a particular. I’m not wise in anything but people in general and myself. I know exactly what I want, and am willing to go for it when the time is right, regardless of the particulars, because I’m selfish like that. [She smiles to herself]

 

Raven: And what do you want?

 

[Before she can answer, hoof beats sound down the road. A cloud of dust is seen on the horizon and warlike yipping is heard]

 

Blue: Come fellow feathered genius, it would be most unwise for us to be seen.

 

[They run into the bushes]

 

[Warlords stop at the spot Blue and Raven were. There are four combatants and a carriage hauling a prisoner caravan. There is one leader in heavy armor and three drones in light leather armor. The leader is at the front of the stage coach and the other three are on the remaining sides. There is one prisoner partially naked and bound in the caravan.]

 

[Man with a red tunic, curly hair, and a big, greasy mustache thrusts his head out the carriage window]

 

Man: Why have we stopped?

 

[Drones look to the leader, unsure of what to say]

Leader: [Looks suspiciously around] Thought I saw something. [Spots tracks in the dirt. One set of small, rabbit-like ones and another set of wider, clumsier ones] Look.

 

Drone 1: Cowards! They ran!

 

Prisoner: Help! Please, help!

 

Drone 1: Shuddup fool! [Bangs cage]

 

Blue: [Whispering] We should free him.

 

Raven: What! Are you crazy?

 

Blue: It’s the moral thing to do.

 

Raven: Not the human thing to do.

 

Blue: But the gentleman thing to do.

 

Raven: And you’re not a man.

 

Blue: [considers]

 

Prisoner: Please, help! My family will reward you. Just let me out of here!

 

Leader: Silence him.

 

Drone 1: [beats prisoner’s hands off the cage bars]

 

Raven: [Now grinning at possibilities a reward open up] Let’s go.

 

Blue: [Glares]

 

Raven: [Shrugs]

 

Blue: Stay low [They move across the bushes to get a clearer sight]

 

Man: Leave them, we have no time.

 

Leader: [Scowls]

 

Drones: [Scowl]

 

[Horses begin trotting. Suddenly, a stone whizzes out of the bushes and hits drone 1 in the eye. He grasps his eye, howling. The horse bucks and he falls to ground.]

 

Drone 1: Son of a b***h! [He pulls his sword, one hand still rubbing his eye]

 

Leader: Steady! Sheath your sword!

 

[Drone runs into forest with a blood lust cry until audience can’t see him any longer]

 

[Suddenly, a loud shriek, a thump, and then silence.]

 

[Horses whinny and stir. Remaining two drones look to the leader. The leader stares into the bushes. A rustling sound comes, moving closer. The leader and the drones look alert. Raven appears wearing a Robin Hood hat. The guards focus turn to the rapier strapped to his belt.]

 

Raven: Morning Gents!

 

Leader: Disarm yourself.

 

Raven: [Looks at his arms] Both of them?

 

Leader: [Annoyed] Your weapon.

 

Raven: Ah, yes, this. [He draws it] It’s more of a ceremonial piece of steel.

 

[They move back]

 

Raven: [He twirls around] Interesting isn’t it, how connected the blade is to the arm? An extension of the arm you might say. But you three must know all about that, eh? Fighting warlock and wizard and maybe a dragon too.

 

     [He dances]

     All the maidens love,

     All the princesses love,

     A hero.

     Yes, a hero.

 

     A dashing young man,

     With rosy gold hair,

     A heart stopping grin,

     And a marble white mare,

 

     All the ladies love,

     All the people love,

     A hero,

     Yes, a hero.

 

     [Audience can see Blue sneaking around to the prisoner    caravan]

 

     You sir hold a sword

     Of glinting hard steel!

     It controls the hordes

     And all those that feel.

 

     A quick sharp thrust!

     And your foes will fall.

     Satisfy your lust,

     Take their wives and all!

 

     All the children love,

     All the wives love,

     A hero,

     Yes, a hero.

 

     [Audience can see Blue whispering with prisoner and picking   the locked caravan door]

 

     They loot and they steal,

     They rape and they plunder,

    

     All the w****s love,

     All the priests love,

     A—

 

     [The guards turn at the sound of the prisoner tripping and    falling off the caravan. Blue is wide-eyed]

 

Leader: Fiends! Get the prisoner! [Guards run off to Blue] I’ll deal with this jester.

 

Raven: A common jester! Is that all my singing amounts to?

 

Leader: Be happy. When I cut out your tongue, it will amount to nothing [draws sword].

 

Prisoner: [To Blue] Run!

Blue: We’re staying [she grips the prisoner’s ropes binding his hands]

 

Prisoner: Are you crazy?

 

Blue: Most definitely. [She maneuvers prisoner around her while fighting. She trips the guards with her staff and thwaps their feet and shins, making them howl]

 

Prisoner: Ahh! Let me go! [He struggles, trying to run]

 

Blue: Hush now. [She thwaps him over the head and he crumples to the ground]

 

Drone: Imma f**k you up b***h.

 

Blue: [Raises an eyebrow] That’s not very friendly. [She tumbles forward and brings staff up between his legs]

 

[He yelps and writhes on the ground]

 

[She jabs another Drone in the stomach and brings the other end of staff around, smacking his forehead, and then brings the other end up into his groin. He falls too.]

 

[Raven and the leader are still dueling frantically.]

 

Raven: Oh,

[Clang]

Raven: Everyone

[Clang]

Raven: Loves

[Clang]

Raven: A hero.

[Clang]

Raven: Except me!

 

Leader: Shut up!

 

[They keep dueling, the sword slices coming closer to Raven and the rapier point coming closer to the Leader]

 

[The Leader bats the blade out of Raven’s hand and Raven brings his foot around and kicks the Leader in the side. The Leader tumbles to the ground. Raven draws a throwing knife. Leader beings to get up. Then, a loud clank. Blue knocks leader out with her staff.]

 

Raven: He was MINE! I had him!

 

Blue: [Rolls leader over, showing he also had a throwing knife in his hand.] And he had you.

 

Raven: [Scowls] better for both of us to die nobly.

 

Blue: There is nothing noble in death. Better for there to be no death at all.

 

Raven: What now?

 

Blue: We tie him up.

 

Raven: [Spots man peaking out of carriage] And him? A hostage, perhaps?

 

Blue: They will not miss a prisoner, but they will miss a man with riches, if only to ensure that they will receive his riches when death comes.

 

[They tie them up in the coach and slap the horse’s rump. The horses trot down the road until the carriage turns out of sight.]

 

Blue: Come, we can gain some ground. The man’s emaciated frame and newly bumped head will translate into a long rest. When night comes, we will question him.

 

[Exeunt Blue and Raven]

 

Act II

 

[Raven is sitting in a meditative pose. Smoke fills the black stage like evening mist. The moon can be seen in the sky]

 

[Everything is calm, but suddenly there are shouts, screams, and flashing red lights. There are lights flashing the color of flames and cries of terror sound throughout the theater. Red light is projected onto the stage, and then, when the sounds become unbearably loud, everything in the room goes dark, the sounds stop, and blue light fills the stage. There are sounds of the ocean and underwater noises and a voice droned out by the deep. Suddenly, the shimmery water lights and blue lights fade and there is only still blackness. Stars begin to brighten in every direction. It is the night sky all around. Raven, silhouetted, is raised into the air. It seems like he is sitting on air. He spins slowly, encircled by the stars. Sad music plays in the background. And then, a rush of sound, a man screaming, blinding lights all around, lightening sounds, a baby crying, and then Raven is lowered back to the stage as the bright lights dim, the music silences and the curtain closes.]

 

[Raven and Blue are sitting around a fire. The prisoner is resting soundlessly. Raven is staring into the fire and Blue is watching him.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Humor? how to make less cliche?

Reviews

[Mary Sessions]

A very interesting peice of work. I enjoy both characters very much and i would like to hear more about them. you opened very well with the two of them just very casually strolling through the forest, and thats what made this screenplay very exciting and interesting to me. it also had a great balance of humor and seriousness. id suggest touching it up a bit (grammar, word placement, etc.) but otherwise a great peice. keep it up!

[Mel Stevens]

I like the humor and the cliches. They support the story very well, with the story itself moving along at a good pace.

[Melissa]

I loved it, a play that is actually interesting. The ones I'm forced to read in school are so boring. I loved the mix of humor in the fighting. Maybe I like it because it doesn't seem to be written about anything in particular yet, it is just written for the sake of writing it. Please put in more requests for future Acts.