Chapter 5

 

            The sun had already burst from the ocean by the time the ship was ready. We set off with no trouble. I’d been avoiding Dad’s eyes the entire time, afraid that he’d ask me why I was with my brother.

When the boat’s going steady, heading out for open ocean, you don’t gotta worry about being on deck. Most of the crew was down below, but I stayed with Harvey at the wheel.

            Sea water splashed up every time we ran through a wave. All you have to do is keep the wheel steady to go straight so Harvey let me drive for a while. I got bored quickly and made my way to the aft to look at the wake.

            I love watching broken water mesh back together like its being sown by some unseen force. Just the feeling that you’re leaving no tracks behind makes it all the more beautiful. On a snowy day, there’s always the scene with the spotless field. It’s too much just to stand by watching the beauty. You wanna get into it and be a part of it. But right when you step into the scene, you’ve ruined it. Your footsteps look like damn tares on a perfect cloth. On the water, there’s none of that hatred for yourself when you ruin it all. You can’t ruin it. You can be in the scene without disturbing it.

            I walked down into the cockpit. A couple of the crew was playing cards on a crude table. I pulled up a chair next to a beefy, jelly-bellied man. His chest was bare and looked to be a bit older than my brother.

            “Hey, what you playing?” I asked.

            He faced me. That’s when I saw it; the black slanted eyes, the yellow face, the straight hair. I kind of jumped. It’s not a forbidden thing to talk to a Chine, but it’s not something you seek out to do.

            “Poker,” He said in a deep voice.    

            I’ve  never really seen one of them up close. Marco, my friend, told me they ate all kind of gross stuff. This was my chance to find out. I questioned him carefully, “So, why you on this trip?”

            “Same reason everyone is.” He answered while taking another card.

            “Uh huh. So what foods do you like? cat?” I tried to sound casual, like it was the dullest thing in the world to talk about.

            All of a sudden, he let out a big belly laugh. His fat giggled like it was laughing too.

            “Kid, how old are you?” he asked.

            “I’m 13,” I said proudly.

            He ruffled my hair with his big rubbery hand.

“And what’s your name?” he asked.

“Scott,” I said.

He laughed and started up a conversation with another crewman. I didn’t know what to make of it. I just thanked him for talking and went back upstairs. On the last step, the man called out, “I’m Zheng.”

I went back a few steps.

“What’s that?” I asked.

He didn’t move. It looked like he’d never even said anything. He just kept playing the game. I shrugged and continued up the steps to the main deck. I never did figure out why those Chinese acted so odd. Dad told me once it was because they had no religion and had an abundance of godlessness. Guess it’s that.

 

The day passed with a few minor course corrections. We didn’t have to do much. I went to my cabin to read Suzie’s book. When I opened it, a letter fell out. It read:

 

Dear Scott,

 

I’m missing you already. I’ll think about you every day and pray that you come home safely.

There is something that I have to tell you. Mom and Dad want to move. Before I didn’t mention it because I figured it was just a thought. But yesterday, they told me that they were going to buy a house from Mr. Douglass. He has been our friends for years and he got them a good deal. I don’t know what to say. It isn’t fair. I couldn’t bear to tell you before you left. I know you would try to stop it some how.

I love you Scott. You understand me. You can see the heart underneath all the fancy clothes and jewelry. God’s will is strange. It can’t be known to us, but I believe that some day, he will bring you to me.

The book I gave you is for you to keep. It is a story that you must read. I haven’t finished it yet, but I am passing it on to you. Don’t be mad at me or my family. It is god’s will.
 

Love,

Suzie    

 

P.S Where ever you are…may the same waters that take you, bring you back to me.  

 

            I read it over and over again until tears stopped showering the page. I hated her for not telling me sooner when I could have hugged her. I hated her parents for being goddamn idiots. I hated myself for not doing more when I was with her. Rage stung my skin as the sadness ate at my insides. Soon, I was nothing but a hollowed out gun, looking deadly without the ability to kill.

            I curled up into a ball on the edge of the bed. The book opened on the floor. The words looked like poison waiting to be taken in. I didn’t even want to look at it.

 I felt so spent. My eyelids were like big pillows, waiting to blot out the word. The creaking and moaning of the woods became my lullaby. Everything whispered sleep and I agreed with the voices. I fell asleep.

 

I couldn’t tell how long I’d been asleep, but when I came back on deck, the sun was setting. The ocean glimmered, shooting off golden flashes of light. All of the crew was gathered on the deck watching the sunset. Only Robert was still working. He pulled any loose lines taught and was constantly checking the cattails.

“Hey Rob.” I motioned for him to come over. He finished flattening the sail and came over.

“Yea?” he asked.

“C’mon, no one else is at work, sit down, relax.”

His eyes darted to the sails. Then back to me. He sat down, back straight, next to me on the railing. Silence passed. The boat rocked up and down with the waves, drawing the shadows long and then short.

“Why do you work so hard anyway?” I asked.

            “What am I supposed to do? Not work hard?”

            “Well, that’s not exactly what I meant. You’re pulling the sails like we’re under attack or something and the captain needs you to be doing it or we’ll sink.”

            He paused, looking into the sunset.

            “Your so uptight,” I said. “Just take a load off, relax.”

            He kind of snorted. “Guess it rubbed off from my Dad. He was always a hard worker. People gave him respect for it and I get respect for it.” He paused. “It’s kinda funny though. I can work as hard as these hands will let me and he’ll still act like it’s not enough.” Robert’s eyes squinted at the sunset, even though the sun wasn’t that bright. “I gotta work just to get a glance from him and then I gotta do even more to get an acknowledgement.”

            I knew his face was flush red, but the sun stole it from him and replaced it with an orange glow.

            “Robert, why are you here?” I asked.

             He looked at me.

            “Because I’m not going to let him control my life any more. He’s done so for all the years he’s been in my life, but he’s not gonna be in it in the future and he’s still planning that for me.”

            “Oh”

            “Yea, you see, he had me getting married. I didn’t even know the girl and she didn’t know me. First time I talked to her I could tell the disappointment in her eyes. First I was angry at myself for not being fit for her, but then I realized that it wasn’t me. It was him. I didn’t seek out the girl, he did. And he was about to ruin another life. I ran to the only place I could, the sea.”

            He followed the taught ropes down to the sturdy railing down to the sun-warm wood. “And it was probably the best decision I’ve made, the only one.”

            By then, I was fidgeting around with a small piece of wood torn from the railing. My legs swung against the wood, head jerking to anything that moved. You never know what to say when someone says something like that. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I couldn’t keep still, but Robert just sat there, staring into the open blue, his face tanned orange.

            “Well I’m gonna go down below,” I said. I left the crew staring into the orange eye. It was quiet from my quarters. There were no more creaks. I picked up Suzie’s book and began reading it.

            I read up to where Suzie’s bookmark was. It told the story of a poor fisherman who catches a shark, and being hungry enough to eat anything, takes it home. He finds a fist sized gem in the grey stomach juice of the shark. His life changes after that. The next day he buys fancy clothes, soars into popularity, and begins hosting parties. The thing that really got me was how all his friends left him. He had false friends after finding that gem, ones who wore masks that they changed frequently. And I loved that. Seeing him surrounded with something worse than nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I felt sorry for him but for once the rich didn’t really win. Well, I couldn’t exactly say. I didn’t read past her bookmark. I fell asleep.