Smiles To Go

Best friend, sister, sort-of-a-brother
If I told you my secret, it'd only be a bother
Besides, if you only knew,
I won't be a sister, a friend, not to you

Breathless laughs, ear-to-ear-grins
Under that great old oak tree
Chasing each other, playing tag
Hiding each other's small schoolbags

You've always teased me for being such a brain
Then why are my mistakes always the same?
If I'm that smart, why didn't I realize it sooner?
Why didn't I see that you were the one who has always made me better?

Then came the day that I most regret
The day that I still want to forget
I took the risk of ruining our friendship
By opening my heart and my lips
I told you of how I felt all along
I told how I heard you in every song
I told I wanted my dreams to come true
I told how I realized they were already fulfilled when I met you
I told how I still smile everytime I see that oak tree
That I loved you, and that you were more than a friend to me

You were polite as only you could be
I stayed calm, but didn't expect my heart to jump when asked if you had feelings for me
You spoke a word, and I didn't want to believe
That my heart could be shattered by a nonchalant "Maybe"

We went on with being friends, at least for a while
You didn't know how much pain I hid in a smile
Still, everything was great, practically fine
... Until you found a girl to love, someone to call "Mine"

Years passed, I was doing my work (what a bore)
Then came a knock on my bedroom door
Knowing it was you, my face couldn't keep off a smile, 'till I heard you say:
"Hey, don't you forget, tomorrow's my wedding day!"

In my retired years, I liked to look out my window
And gaze upon your wife, teaching your kids how to sow
Masochistic? I know, right?
But when you waved at me, couldn't help it, I turned to hide the tears that I try so hard to fight
I prayed for strength, to hide what I felt true
Because I didn't know how many more smiles I had to go before I did too

I still remember that day so clearly
A blur of black and white, and flowers all around me
Everyone was weeping, everyone was blue
Everyone... Except, rather curiously, you...
When the crowd had dispersed, you sat down beside me
Well, beside my tombstone under the great old oak tree
"You know," you said, "It's funny, telling you a secret you can't hear,
But I've loved you more than I should a best friend all throughout those years
I'm sorry for being too late, but I tried to let you know
All throughout those years, and I tried to let it show
You just beat yourself up too much, and now you've no more smiles left to go"
Smiling sadly, you stood up to leave,
Finally allowing yourself to grieve
Crying because I'll never know
The way you loved me and tried to let it show

Oh, I do know now, but I'll let you be
I'll just lie here with the great old oak tree...

Author's Note

It's based on a real life experience so it's kinda personal, well, the first part is. I added just a touch of melodrama to the end.

Reviews

[Peach]

I was really able to visualize the poem's feelings and settings. It was amazing!