In the seashore

I am destroyed, do you believe it? I don't know what is happening to me. Your absence has stopped me. I have stuck so bad this time and i don't know how to move on. I am just staying in my place, without moving, and i am just waiting. Minutes become hours, the hours days and again nothing. Nothing L. It seems like i am part of a book with white pages, where nothing happens. There are no emotions, there are no characters. 

Is this the end? I just have to swallow it bad taste and let it spread poison into my cells?

I don't know. I just know that histories like ours don't end so fast. Histories like ours dive into the deep ocean of selfishness, sadness and missed smiles but they always find the road to the seashore.

I am in the seashore, where are you?

Reviews

[WithinTheHeart]

Such a sad piece. The heartwrenching emotions can be felt.

[barleygirl]

This starts out a little vague & nebulous, using more generalities than I prefer (details are what makes writing come alive -- show me exactly how it feels, how it smells, how it sounds, etc.) Finally, about halfway thru, you start to write with more imagery, which pumps up the intensity of what you're saying, making it more specific & relatable. I like the "ocean/seashore" analogy that starts to emerge at the end, but I wish you could've woven that in, thru-out the entire piece, too. Keep practicing . . . the more you express yourself, the better you will get at capturing the true essence of what you're feeling.

[Schatzi]

Hello thespringrain,

Wow . . . I can feel the pain . . .

I really like the line: "It seems like I am part of a book with white pages, where nothing happens." That line has such a deep sentiment and I think you could make its impact more solid if you followed it with 'written in white ink.'

One other note: is your story meant to be one paragraph? Despite it being a short story, a few paragraphs allow the reader to pause and absorb the meaning behind your words and because you paint such a gut-wrenching vivid picture, we need those pauses. Just a thought . . .

Otherwise, it is a great piece. You give this story great imagery and lots of intense gut-wrenching moments that wash over the reader. Nicely done!

Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

A broken heart is heavy to carry, it is you who is gotta mend it. Merely lamenting over something that has happened and cannot be undone won't yield you anything. You must move on. This piece expresses the profound sadness of a person who is caught in the break-up-trap. Could have been better and for that you gotta keep writing.

[Ardra]

very nice story... liked the way its written... sometimes we do feel stuck after an end of relation... but i guess with time we move on.. sometimes we dont find the roads..but i guess time heals all the wounds..

[thespringrain]

Thank you very much Ria :) You are very right, time's supposed to heal, but for me, it ain't done much healing. I have to move on, but it is one of the mos difficult things to do in life, to move one when you carry a broken heart.

[Ardra]

mmmm.. may god grant you the strength and courage to heal .. :)