Prologue

I've got two options for the prologue, please tell me which one you like better. The first one is the original, the second my alternate prologue.

        

     Option One :        ((A full, orange moon glowed outside Nora Bubell's window. Her parents sleeping in the next room knew nothing about her, or so she thought. The only person who even cared was Serena, and she could survive without her. Nora decided tonight would not be the night. Later, not now, while things were going so... not good, but tolerable. Somewhere, in a world far distant, yet so close, a young man screamed.

 

~

 

             Chuck Shepherd swiftly kicked his son again. He cursed under his breath as his wife rushed to help the boy. The young man moaned as he rolled onto his back.

             “It's all right, honey, I'm here. I swear, this will be the last time.” Mary Lynn said to her son.

             “Thats what you said last time, and the time before.” James replied “How can I know that you'll keep your word this time?”

             “We'll leave as soon as you can pack your bags”

             “Consider them packed.” ))

 

 

             Option Two:        ((Oh, if only the walls could talk. I'm not sure I'd like to hear what they have to say. I know of a little town in Ohio – Magnetic Springs, to be exact. It's a small town of less than one thousand people. Every resident could fit into the high school gymnasium. Magnetic Springs High School is small as well, with the average graduating class of twenty-three, including the students from the surrounding equally small towns of Pharisburg and Radnor.

             This little town in Ohio house some walls I wouldn't want to know the story of. My walls would probably hack and cough with years of secondhand smoke, then proceed to apologize for things they had no control over in the voice of my mother. They would cry and beg for the pain to stop, in a voice I'd soon recognize as my own. Eventually, they'd recall the quiet sobs and even quieter conversation followed by the packing of suitcases. Finally, the walls would mimic the angry cries of a man whos family left while he was in a drunken stupor.

             Across the small town of Magnetic Springs, there would be another wall who's story I would not like to hear. It would tell of a great deal of sorrow, describing a girl not much younger than myself. She used to be a happy child, playing with dolls and having tea parties which served nothing stronger than ice water. As she grew, something changed within her. She became less happy; the dolls lay untouched, the “tea” undrunk. Her story changed to one of sorrow. The walls would tell of all the nights the young woman lay awake in bed, tears in her eyes that she did not know the precise origins of. Every night, she would whisper “just one more day, maybe something will happen to make my life worthwhile,” but one day there was a change. There were no tears in her eyes as she lay down to sleep. A smile graced her face instead, bringing a new radiance to the room.))

Author's Note

Please tell me which version you like better. Thanks ^_^

Reviews

Hmm, both of them have their merits and weaknesses. The first one, I think, is too brief and does not provide enough information as to what Nora's situation is and the scene describing the abuse of the boy is too brief. Maybe if you put the information from the second prologue into the same style as the first so it's without the overly chatty narration and then add some more detail as if it's actually occurring as you narrate.