Seen but Unseen

nice guys finish last.

                                    It's right in front of you...

                    Seen but Unseen

                         Telling me of your fears, frustrations, failures.

                                    Telling me of your lonleiness.

 

                     I listen, respond, lend my opinion

              And in the DEEP end I TREAD.

                           But No one sees the water.

                     Not even YOU.

                         Although you tread along beside me.

 

                                I offer you my hand and you take it

                   Then quickly retract

                 you LEAVE

                            and come back.

          

    Yet I never go

                         I stay here afloat,

                                       till my legs...

    give out.

 

                            It's right in front of you...

                   As you EXPLAIN whats been missing

                      What YOU've been missing.

                                I dare not tell,

                         what you say you want.

 

          It's right in front of you...

                                 SEEN but unSEEN

   HEARD but unHEARD

                                  Felt but unFELT

 

                                    It's right here in front of you...

 

         I'M...

                                 right in front of you.

              

                        

Author's Note

the structure leaves something to be desired but the emotion is all I was really going for anyway.

Reviews

[Veronica Franco]

I can just feel what you felt when you wrote this. I think it is amazing.

[GetTheHellOut]

Great piece of work. Many people been there too. You expressed a situation like this very well.

[Jillian]

ok the structure is a bit rough, choppy, which works in some parts but makes a difficult transition in others. ok there is my structure critique. Even if we hadnt talked about this subject recently your message would still be very clear. It can be frustrating, being seen but unseen, hang in there. Things happen in their own time. i expect many people will be able to relate to this piece.

I love you

[samuel austin]

that was amazing!
good work man!
"But No one sees the water.

Not even YOU.

Although you tread along beside me."
... incredible...

[KUFU]

Really feelin the structure. Keeps the eye fretting and wanting more. This poem seems simplistic on the surface, but there is a depth and feeling here that breaks through the simplicity when I read(though not in your formatting),

" I listen, respond, lend my opinion

And in the DEEP end I TREAD.

But No one sees the water.

Not even YOU.

Although you tread along beside me."

...your attention to your unrequited love/lover is palpable and I indeed feel your frustration. To be merely treading water along-side the object of your affections can be very tiresome. Not wanting them to sink and unable to make them swim, yet you tread like a duteous lifeguard. You capture this dynamic well with the verse quoted above. You use great imagery and allegory to manifest the depth of your emotions in this piece. A pleasant surprise.