What Will May Have Been

This came from me drawing in my notebook a picture of a man, I later precieved as myself. I noticed for some reason I colored in the eyes making them look like black holes. I was intrigued, so I wrote this piece.

Evil brings what evil may,

Blackend eyes ignite the flame.

Waiting still for bliss to burn,

Ignorance what lovers scorn.

None the less we pay our dues,

Our penence deep within.

Try so hard to quench the pain,

Fail to see the truth.

The pain is the flame that evil may bring

tearing what will may have been.

When blackened eyes turn to blue,

Blackened skies will turn too.

Reviews

[Bethany Woody]

There is raw emotion in this piece and I love that about it. You don't try to gloss over the facts, you just put it all out there, for youself and the world to see. I also love how there is almost a begining, middle and end to this. It seems as if in the begining you are something other then what you wish to be, then in the middle you relize that i is up to you to change that, to do what you mut to be better then what you are, and then in the end you accomplish that. You fnd a way to redeem yourself in your eyes and to the world. The wording of the piece is also beautifuly done, especially for a piece that just came from nowhere. I can't wait to read more of your work.

Pure Poetry

[Luna Tique Fringe]

Oh, I like this one...It's amazing the way the words can just spill out upon the page, sometimes some of the best poetry happens that way. This is certainly no exception. It starts out very dark, deep despair...and then in the last couplet you redeem us back towards the light. I didn't expect that. Love this:
"Blackend eyes ignite the flame.

Waiting still for bliss to burn, "

Nice tight verse. Well done.

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

Good write. Emotional, distraught, resolve, recognition that the pains of life are not you, hope, black eyes turning blue, patience, dark skies will change too. Deep and dark with hope in the midst of the plight. I like it.

Cheers!
Doc.

line 2: "ignight" to "ignite"

[Robert Luna]

Wonderful piece. capturing your thought perfectly as you notice that even without your knowledge you had depicted yourself as something other than what you thought you were truly seeing. As you unfold a tale of aspiring to change in like a rebirth of sorts. I really enjoyed this piece.

Wonderful Job!!!

[~crazy Beautiful~]

I love the way you write
'Waiting still for bliss to burn,
Ignorance what lovers scorn. '
brilliant