What Will May Have Been

This came from me drawing in my notebook a picture of a man, I later precieved as myself. I noticed for some reason I colored in the eyes making them look like black holes. I was intrigued, so I wrote this piece.

Evil brings what evil may,

Blackend eyes ignite the flame.

Waiting still for bliss to burn,

Ignorance what lovers scorn.

None the less we pay our dues,

Our penence deep within.

Try so hard to quench the pain,

Fail to see the truth.

The pain is the flame that evil may bring

tearing what will may have been.

When blackened eyes turn to blue,

Blackened skies will turn too.

Reviews

[Shade]

what lovers scorn..the hatred and pain you felt consumed you so that it filled you to the brim. I like that there is hope and the blue will fill the sky again.

[justjenn_2u]

Even deeper pain, when we can't face the truth. We become darkness within ourselves.

The conclusion of this poem shows that even the impossible can happen. Or perhaps what seems impossible really isn't. Either way, this poem is strong and fluent. I enjoyed it!

[~crazy Beautiful~]

i already reviewed this one,
this reads like a song to me
you should make it one
:)

[The Lady Anasteja]

We've trampled through our past, and afflicted our harm. Karma doesn't sit well with the one who scorned. Retribution she will have, and in time, release she will deliver.

So as Jillian said, there is hope. There always is hope. We just have to believe, and fate will lead the way.

Once again, a luminous piece.

[Jillian]

So there is hope.... You know I love this piece, i love the way you use words in this poem, very artistic.

[justjenn_2u]

Evil latches onto any thing possible. We make mistakes and we carry the burden, whether it be guilt or anger, etc. Like looking through the window with closed shades. You convey that the pain can be lifted, and there is always a chance for a new day. Good piece.

[Vanessa Whiteley]

Like Crimson Shadow I think those last lines are great and the description of writing in the notebook is really interesting. Actually as I come to think of it if this was placed within the main body of the poem it would give it a less abstract quality.

[Crimson Shadow]

When blackened eyes turn to blue - blackened skies will turn to - that is GREAT!

I like the rhythm and rhyme scheme you had going on - rather musical. Wonderful message.

[Lisa Verdon]

Where is the heavy music in the background? I could sing this :) Blackness does assault our moods, though. Everything is relative to how we perceive it. If we are looking though bright eyes, we will see the light and vice versa. I love this!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Great flow and darkly poetic... graet write... You have a very cool style!!!