11

 

Lara just stood there in silence, her eyes on the floor. Alex just stood there in silence, his eyes on her. She looked up and her eyes were glistening with salt water.

“I’m sorry.”

 

He was regretting being so harsh now. He didn’t mean to, but sometimes his anger got the better of him and he acted unnecessarily cruelly. He scared himself how unforgiving he could be. Which is why he needed Lara. Or Jude. One of the Cox siblings.

 

“I know. But why did you say it?”

“I’m sorry.” Her tears were in full flow now. “I’m so sorry.”

Regardless of how inconsiderate he could be, seeing his wife standing not two feet away from him with mascara carving its own little black path down her face, he almost forgot why he was so angry.

 

He held out his arms and let her bury her face in his shoulder.

 

“I’m so, so sorry.” The words were muffled but no less confusing.

“I know, I know. What for, exactly? If anything, I should be apologising to you; I was really, really harsh.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m just so, so sorry.”

She was really starting to creep him out. She was really upset about something. Something more than telling a white lie.

“S**t Lara, you’re scaring me. What’s up?”

“It was an accident. A stupid, stupid accident.”

He took her by the shoulders and held her at arms length. She still couldn’t hold his gaze.

“Lara, what’s happened?”

She looked up and stared straight into his eyes. Then, with her voice perfectly level, she said it.

“I’m pregnant.”

His arms fell to his side but then he felt awkward with them just hanging there, like two useless hunks of meat and so they snapped to his head and he ran his fingers through his hair. After thirty seconds of awkward silence, he spoke.

“Is it… I mean…is…it…”

“Yours? Yes. Mine? Yes. We’re having a baby Alex.”

 

James. Gordon. Bennett. A baby? Jesus how was he going to cope? How was she going to cope? He hated kids, they were barely married, he was already playing away from home- with her brother- and they always, always used protection.

 

“But we were so careful.” Right now, 5 words were his limit.

“Condoms only work 97% of the time. And we didn’t use them 100% of the time.” How was she being so calm about this?

“But…” He began to feel the familiar prickle in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. So, so sorry.” Her composure crumbled in on itself and the floodgates were open again.

 

She was crying harder than before but Alex just couldn’t bring himself to comfort her this time. He just wanted to get out. He wanted to turn his back on the situation for a few hours and go somewhere where things like this wouldn’t happen. He wanted to go to Jude’s.

 

“It’s not your fault.” He said it so coldly, so unconvincingly, he probably did more harm than good.

 

They held eye contact for a second longer and then he picked up his jacket from the back of the chair, grabbed his phone from the table and closed the front door behind him.

 

He’d just got down the front step when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He had a text from Jude.

 

Sorry you have to find out like this but Lara’s pregnant. Please don’t be angry with her. She’s pretty cut up. Call me later. J xx

 

Don’t be angry? Easy for him to say. He hadn’t got a f*****g woman f*****g pregnant. Most guys would be over the moon but here he was again getting angry at somebody other than himself. There was no reason for him to be blaming Lara, neither than resenting the fact that Jude was her brother, it was just him being a twisted, messed up b*****d who always wanted more.

 

He put his mobile in his pocket and began to walk. Once he had got round the corner, he sat on the kerb, held his head in his hands and wept.