The Calm Before the Storm

an excerpt which i actually wrote for a literature class as a mental image journal. We were to choose an experience and create the perfect scene using words. Think of loss.

She sat peacefully; eyes closed, thoughts free, everything perfectly still. The smell of freshly cut grass and flowers lingered in the hot summer air. The world seemed calm and happy. In the distance, the soft rustling of woodland creatures could be heard. Her bare feet lay slightly bent at the edge of the river bank where the plants and lily pads met the murky water. Mosquitoes skimmed the cattails while small birds flew above them. Everything seemed fine when in reality that was far from the truth. Her face held a heartbreaking expression full of guilt and pain. A single tear rolled down her cheek like a raindrop off a petal. Her hands tightly gripped the earth behind her in search of comfort while she tried her best to choke down the sobs that were threatening to escape. She was not okay for she had just lost her best friend to a disease that deprives your body of white blood cells.

She wondered how the wind could still blow or the birds could still sing. She wondered if someone, somewhere out there could hear her silent pleas of surrender. How could life go on so easily as if there was no hospital, or countless hours of therapy, or funeral? Why can everyone except for herself move on so easily? Her heart was still racing, and her emotions were still unbalanced, just like they were when she had first received the news of the death. She still could not rid herself of the gut-wrenching feeling of never being good enough. The memories were haunting her leaving a constant reminder of pain almost like needles. She tried to keep a journal like her doctor said, but it was no use because putting her feelings on paper was harder than admitting to them out loud.  

Author's Note

do as you wish, and correct all you want. I write for my enjoyment and though it may not be in your particular interest to compliment my work, i see no proper need to cover it with hateful messages. I do take criticism however. I am a freshman in high school with a lot to learn.

Reviews

[Southern_Writes]

Wow, this is so sad and so beautiful. I usually am not a fan of short stories, because I feel they are always lacking, but this is so short, but so complete. I am not good at telling stories based on anything but fantasy, but this could be a heart wrenching story. It already is, with just those two paragraphs.

When you lose someone it hurts, but there are certain people whom if you lose them, it is like your heart has been wretched from your chest. You are still somehow alive, even though you feel you must be dead. Its been five years since I lost my baby brother and everyday my heart bleeds for him.

[Sarah]

awe I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm ecstatic that you enjoyed this! especially with short stories not being your favorite thing. Hopefully you continue to like everything you read!

[Tobias H. Reese]

Lots of potential here!
Thank you for entering my recent contest "Without you".

This was a difficult piece to deliberate over.
Also, many factors come in to play when considering a work for short film adaptation: production means and limitations; interpretative appeal for the other artists (photographers/voice-over actors) onboard etc.

This is in my reading list. :-) Peace.

[TheBubbleManiac]

This just took my breath away. Such a powerful story, and it send such a powerful message. Truly a work of art!

[Sarah]

definitely glad that you liked it! although your words are much too kind. I'd hardly call this a work of art. Thank You so much!

[McBear]

Very beautiful, I enjoyed it! I imagined this as a beautiful video of a tour in the forest or area where beautiful nature is present :)

[Evil Duncan]

Very nice descriptive work in the first paragraph, I felt you really placed the reader there in the scene you were imagining. I found the second paragraph a little harder as I thought it introduced a great deal of new information; you mention that this is an excerpt from a longer piece and I wonder whether it would be better to uncover the story more slowly? But in the end you left me wanting to read more which I guess was the point!

[Sarah]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yes that was exactly what I was going for. People grieve in many different ways and often their thoughts are all over the place. I wanted to capture the true essence behind each phase, of course I never got around to posting the entire thing so It's definitely fair if you got a little bit confused. Thank you for taking the time to review it! To be completely honest, I never thought anyone would actually take the time to read my work.

[Swordfish]

Wow! Reading this really makes me want to write today! Powerful expression and not too sappy or lengthy. Great job!

[Sarah]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

[alifeacoustic]

Beautiful and poignant look at how bereavement affects us all. I remember thinking some of these thoughts after my dad died, like what have the birds got to sing about and why hasnt the world stopped. A beautiful look into thoughts we all think. Well written.

[Sarah]

I'm really glad that I was able to capture this. I'm also very sorry for you loss but extremely happy that you were able to relate to my short story.

[Inject Positivity]

I don't care what others think of your writings but i truly enjoyed it....Your words took me to a new world, every word conveying something very interesting and the thought is very very unique.....We are all in the process of learning and you just keep writing frnd....God bless you....

[Sarah]

Wow. This honestly just made my day. I never thought that someone would be able to one day say those wonderful things about my work. Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it.

[Inject Positivity]

Don't believe in those hateful comments....You just keep doing your job and everything will fall in place.....Its my pleasure my frnd.....God bless you....

[ExquisiteEyes]

The way of writing is absolutely beautiful.
The starting resembles one of my writings ( I quit writing that one) and I was slightly freaked out.
I love it.

[Sarah]

Thank you so much! I find it wonderful that someone was able to enjoy it!