5 years from now.

I wouldn't call this a story as it is basically a journal entry. Lets call this a warm-up.

Everyone I've met is either too afraid to worry about the future, or too apathetic for their own good. Taking this fact into consideration, I've once again decided to take it upon myself to truly think about where I see myself in 5 years. Statistically speaking, 5 years is not that huge of a time gap, but artistically, I'm sure I speak for most when I say that a lot can happen within that time span. 

In 5 years, I hope to see myself looking back at my high school graduation pictures in my college dorm at Columbia University with a roommate who might potentially be the worst person I've yet to meet, but that won't matter because I'll be happy. I will finally belong and feel apart of something much greater than a date to homecoming or the 411 on all the latest gossip. (You see, I've never really cared about those things). I'll be on the road to a path that will make or break me. All of my hard work and tears would have paid off, but that's never how things seem to work, huh? 

I want someone to care about my words and I need people to realize that there is so much more meaning and pain behind every letter that is typed. This was once an empty document and now it's not, doesn't that stand for anything? You say that it's easy but can't you see, this is my life! I'm so mentally confused that the only way to prevent yet another breakdown is to distract myself by thinking ahead. I'm not running away from my problems, simply because there is no where to run. I feel the constant chill of voice that's trying to make me forget why I even decided that this was all worth it in the first place. That same voice contradicts with my dreams in a way that makes even the slightest problems, in-comprehensive. I'm torn between my mental health and a passing grade for an honors physics class that probably won't even matter in the future and better yet, I KNOW what i'm doing to myself and I am more than completely aware of the consequences, but I can NOT stop. I'm already too far gone. 

Sometimes I catch myself practicing a smile that will never reach my eyes because the only pain worse than hurting myself, is allowing others to take part in how I feel. My emotions are mine as are my thoughts, and in order to keep their true identity hidden, I need to pretend. In a world where the only guidance is "try-harder" even after I've tried my absolute hardest and have stayed up for countless nights memorizing an equation and trying to solve the never ending situation that is my life. 

The funny thing is, I want to be a writer. Oh you like to write? that's cute, now sit back down and come up with a cure for cancer. My passion is labeled impractical because it's rarely been done, but who's to say that I cannot do it? 

Author's Note

if for some reason you've gotten through this entire thing, i congratulate you! please feel free to leave your thoughts on how horrible this was. thank you for listening.

Reviews

[ExquisiteEyes]

I think your way of thinking and expressing is wonderful.
Just one or two punctuations here and there would improve it. And there is no limit if you want to improve your writing. Nothing is perfect. Everything can be improved.
And I wish you all the best for your future!

[Sarah]

Thank you!

[Inject Positivity]

You did an amazing job, the things you were trying to say reached my heart....It was your first work and for me its full of new thought....I loved how you used your imagination to write down about upcoming future.....I honestly really liked it.....Good job mate....

[Sarah]

Thanks for taking the time to read it.