Coming Out Again

Mom
When you asked me
If I wanted to be “cured”
After the accidental outing
I replied to your question
With a strong ”yes”.

But not
In the way
You would understand.

For 36 years
I have tried your way
As the dutiful son
Living a lie
Conforming to your view
On gender.

As my body
Endured too many years
Of extreme stress
Severe depression
And several forms of anxiety.

Not to mention
Numerous failed suicide attempts
In order
To please you.

In the past four years
I have undergone
A metaphoric change
Both to my body
And healing of my soul.

So
Next time
If we shall meet
Again
You will find
A different person
Standing before you.

A woman
Whom is slowly
Curing herself
From the long years
Of self-hatred
And denial.

Willing to walk away
From a lifetime
Which no longer exist
With a clear and trouble-free
Conscious
Knowing I have tried my best
In getting you
To understand my struggles.

Author's Note

Written August 17, 2010. This was written before my recent attempt to bridge the gap between my mom and myself. Not sure, where it will lead me, but least we are talking again.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Shakespeare knew what he was talking about when he gave the words to Polonius to speak to Laertes: "This above all: to thine own self be true/And it must follow, as the night the day/Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!" Wishing you also peace of mind and heart. F.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

A very powerful and honest write. The first steps are always the hardest but your strength is going to carry you far =D