The Unseen Struggle

There are times
I find myself
Questioning everything
Which has happen
In my life.

As if everything
I have done
Is never good enough
Or taken to the next step.

I know
This may sound strange to you
But it has been my experience
When dealing
With my learning disabilities.

Getting an essay or exam back
Seeing these words
Written bold
In red ink
“Answers not completed”
By the teacher
Or the marking TA.

They do not realize
the struggle I face
On a daily basis
Of getting my thoughts
Down on paper.

In a consistent order
That makes sense
To the reader
As they follow the flow
Of my writing.

Often staring
At a blank screen/paper
Unable to transfer my ideas
From my mind
To the physical realm.

Or being ordered
By a former teacher
To type everything out
Because he cannot read
My handwriting.

Is it my fault
My handwriting is small
And slanted to the right
Forcing other people
To squint to read it?

Hearing other people
Describe my writing
As “chicken scratchings
Done backwards”
Yet their handwriting is
Worse than my own.

And people wondered
Why there were days
I feinted being sick
To avoid certain tasks
At school
Or at an university lecture
So long ago.

As the tears flow
Silently inside
Because I know
I have done my best
Even if they cannot see it
On the exam or essay paper
Before them.

Author's Note

Almost 17 years have past, since I have last written a paper for an university credit, but the memories still exist of the pressures, I faced. For many people with learning disabilities, life is a struggle to function and be accepted, for whom we.