How...?

I hear the words
You are speaking
Telling me
To forgive my abusers
For his actions
Against me.

Even though
His actions
Often bordered
On attempted murder
When his rage exploded.

Looking backwards
At these memories
I have long suppressed
For decades
My anger at myself
Grows.

Slowly
Consuming my self-confidence
Until a shattered teenager
Is all that remains
Questioning everything
About my life.

Embracing Death
On all fronts
Whether active
Or passive
I did not care
Except for the pain
To end
Forever.

Even now
In my early forties
My night-terrors
Are triggering new memories
Long buried
Under my psychic defences.

If you
The reader think
These are recovered memories
They are not.

Rather
The product of a psychic dam
Shattering at it’s foundation
During a brutal panic attack
In August 2007
Lasting over 26 hours
Before vanishing.

Find myself
Asking this one question
Over and over
How can I forgive someone else
When I cannot forgive myself
For these memories.

Reviews

[An Ordinary Woman]

all your poems tell a story about you. I hope you keep them & compile a book of poetry. You should do that.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

It's a very well written piece with a incredible and very real question. A difficult position which isn't easy for many to understand.