Did You Get My Dead Roses?

Another part of my past.

How do I say
I love you
But I need my space
To heal myself
Before I can embrace you
Again.

In the past
You have hurt me very deeply
By your actions
In undermining
My sense of self-worth
As an adult.

Believing you were
Doing the right thing
When you did it
Without asking my permission
First.

At what point
Will you stop thinking
This way about me?

Do I have to have
One foot in the grave
Before I am old enough
To manage my own affairs?

Or do I wait
Until you had died?

Every time
I mention this topic
You tear up
And accuse me
Of being insensitive
To your feelings.

Nothing is further
From the truth
Between us.

I felt you forced
Into a long period of silence
To protect myself
Emotionally and physically.

As I battled depression
And several suicide attempts
Triggered by
Your callous rejection
Of your eldest child
Me.

I know
You will never
See this poem of mine
But you hurt more
Than I care to share
With you
Mom.