Landmine

The news
Of having to start insulin
Is hitting me
Like a bull elephant.

Knocking me off
Of my proverbial feet
As the doctor explains
This latest twist
In the management
Of my Type II diabetes.

Anger mounts
Directed squarely at myself
For being a failure
In my inability
To control diabetes
Better.

Wondering
How am I going
To do this
Given my strong fear
Of needles.

It took me
More than a year
Just to use a lancet
To prick myself.

Find myself
Feeling the rising
Of an anxiety attack
Waiting to unleash
It’s power over my body.

As my sense of worthless
Grows to truly gigantic portions.

Why should I continue
This struggle
When I am taking
Three steps backwards
For every one step forwards.

Just want to curl up
In my apartment
And cry
Until it’s flooded
With my bitter tears.