The Cowardly Way

Comments made to me, after a suicide attempt in 2006.

Your words ring out
In my mind
As if only yesterday
Instead of 4 years ago.

Implying
I have a yellow streak
Running down my body
Ignoring the reality
Of my situation.

Maybe just maybe
I was crying out
For help
In this way
Because
All other methods
Have met
An icy silence.

Or worse
Dismissed
As someone be to treated
“Oh she only wants
Sympathy and attention
Because she’s lonely”.

Even now
My hackles bristle
At your implied judgment
Upon me.

A man
Whom never walked
A single step
In my abusive past
To know
Reality from fantasy.

Author's Note

please ignore any spelling or grammar errors.

Reviews

[Anonymous -]

That's very deep, unfortunately I can relate. There's so many mis conceptions about all of this that people jump to conclusions without real knowledge. I've been there myself and it's not a good feeling. The fact is there's so much going on at once that it's sometimes hard to say what's going on. That's my experience though. This was really good though. Something relatable by people who have gone through or saw someone go through something similar

[therisa]

Too many people can relate, to this, Anonymous.

[redkillerqueen]

make me feel suicide is a bad option because i fell in the emo crazinest like cut my arm wear darker things so i correctly lost the fun to live my life one day my little sister said if you want die die in games not irl please i start play and i meet travis and my life are tottaly change wow thx sister and thx to you
therisa

[therisa]

Thank you, Redkillerqueen. I wish, others don't have to experience this type of deep pain.

[Travis "Phoenix" Caldwe..]

Suicide is now seen in two ways. It is seen as a way to get attention, and as a sign of mental illness. Only those who attempt knows what it really is about. Its about pain that we feel we cant stand, the memories that haunt us, the words glued to the underside of our eyelids, and the fact people dare think they can say anything about us. No one deserves the pains many have felt. I lost many friends to depression and such by suicide. I attempted twice secretly, through overdosing and hanging. The med I tried didnt have no effect, and the f*****g rope broke. Sometimes its those with pains, however, that can help themselves and others by meeting people who also have pains. Knowing you are NOT alone is a beautiful thing, you know? It reassures you that life is worth living. This is a powerful work that shows how it feels to want to die and have stuck up pieces of dung look down on you thinking you just want attention.

[therisa]

Travis, at the time, I had just been rejected, by my mom, as her trans-daughter. She told me, "I would have to crawl, on my hands and knees, begging her, to forgive me, after Hell froze over, as she thought about it."

As for suicide attempts, I have forgotten how many times, I have tried or had every thing ready and couldn't do it. By the age of 12, I had tried three times and failed, for various reasons. My last attempt, was the holiday season of 2010-11, when I had my diabetic meds, all ready to take, for an OD, but couldn't do it.

[Travis "Phoenix" Caldwell]

Damn.......thats harsh....

[therisa]

Sadly, I know, of others, who have experienced worse, Travis.