Still Uncomfortable, In My Own Skin

Struggling with my body image, of having both male and female body parts.

Can feel

The anger growing

With each day

Am trapped

Inside

This prison cell

I call

My body.

Unable to move

Either forwards

Or backwards.

Rather

Am stuck

In the middle

Of no-man's land.

Wondering

Is freedom

A word

Void from my lexicon.

In being able

To be one

With my physical

And mental self.

When

I look at myself

Drinking in

Every single detail

Of my emerging body.

Knowing

I still see

Male parts

Staring at me.

Reviews

[Tobias Pine]

Oh Therisa...
I really hope that you realize how brave you are, getting up in the mornings to face a false you. And on top of that, you suffer from agoraphobia. Every day you get up and and carry on is a testament to your will power and strength. A prison is only a prison if it encloses you.

[therisa]

Tobias, there are mornings, I can't look at myself, in the mirror, without feeling repulsed by what stares back, at me. Many transpeople have their body image struggle, just they don't talk or write about it.

[Layi Tate]

Wow ! So oooooooo powerful!

[therisa]

Thank you, Layi, but I rather, have you say, it was so weak.

[Layi Tate]

I believe that weakness develops strength so I don't see it as weakness .
I see it as strength so I could never say that about a piece of your writing so personal and heartfelt that's why it was powerful to me because not only did I learn something beautiful about you in your writing but you have written about your struggle you expressed yourself brave and strong about this that takes courage that's why I loved it and considered it powerful ...

[therisa]

Thank you, Layi, for having more compassion towards me, than I have to myself, at the moment.

[Layi Tate]

Anytime my friend and I will tell you something else just because we have thoughts and feelings about ourselves doesn't make them right or to be true we are often our own worst enemies and it's easy to convince ourselves that we are no good and are portrayed worthless to the world and our thoughts identity and feelings don't matter I call that Blasphemy !!!! You do matter my friend no matter what is your sexual orientation and identity screw whoever passes judgement it's not about them it's about you.... Stay true to yourself and what comforts you my friend ......

[therisa]

Thank you, LAyi, for reminding of this message. At times, I forget this, and hurt myself, with destructive and negative thoughts, towards myself.

[Layi Tate]

You & me both sister .... Bighugs maybe you have reminded me of things also happy we can help each other . :')

[therisa]

thank you, Layi.

[Matching Socks]

Wow, I had no idea, this must be so incredibly difficult Therisa.
Have courage, you will find your peace.

[therisa]

Thank you, Ana, for your kind words. Many transpeople, before their surgeries, view their own bodies, as traitorous. Some, ever commit suicide to correct this genetic mistake. Myself, transitioning has been part of my own healing, from the abuse, I have suffered from my own family and others, whom I called friends.