Seeking Release

To come to terms, with my past.

A soft sigh

Of frustration

Escapes me.

As I stumble

Towards equilibrium

The hard way.

Wanting to write

Happier thoughts

Which I have

Limited experience of.

Having carried

Decades of tainted memories

Upon my shoulders.

Hidden

Under mental walls

Constructed

Over my lifetime.

In the past 7 years

Been forced to face

These memories

All at once.

As the walls

Start crumbling down

After a panic attack.

Flooding me

Under a maelstrom

Of conflicting emotions

Towards those

Closest to me.

Barely able

To keep my head

Above water.

As the black depressions

Swoop down

Upon me

With a vengeance.

Where life is

A cheap disposable item

To be toss aside

At the first sign

Of trouble.

And

The only solution is

Death.

That was then

And this is

Now.

As I try

To find answers

In dealing with my past.

Hoping

I can bury it

In the proper place

The past.