Poetic Letter To Dad

A letter to my deceased dad.

Dear Dad;

 

Hard to believe

In two weeks time

It will be

The 16th anniversary

Of your release

From chronic pain.

 

Even now

I miss your presence

More than ever

Dad.

 

Having you

Hugging me

After a bad school day.

 

Or

When I'm depressed

Someone to talk to

Who won't react

In a negative way.

 

I know

You never understood me

And my needs

For I was different

From anything

A parent could expect.

 

A girl trapped

Inside of a boy's body

Trying to fit in

With what was understood

Of me.

 

Often

Hiding your emotions

Within yourself

When dealing with me.

 

Which really hurt

Having someone else

Telling me

How I filled you

With pride.

 

Dad

I shall never stop

My loving you.

 

Although

Almost a third

Of my life has past

Since that fateful day

In November.

 

You're

The rock

Which my life

Has been built upon.

 

For that

I thank you

Every day

I breathe.

 

Your loving daughter

 

Therisa

Author's Note

From time to time, I write poetic letters, to family members.

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Therisa, this is a beautiful tribute to your dad. Those times of year that mark our losses always intensify those feelings of love and loss. It's a lovely letter.

[therisa]

Thank you, Icelandicblue. My only regret is, he never got to see, the real me.

[MomzillaNC]

A lovely tribute to your father. And, something else for your gratitude list.

[therisa]

Thank you, Momzilla. We had our disagreements, but he was always, there, when I need someone.

[MomzillaNC]

You were lucky to have him.

[therisa]

Only wish, I could say, the same, for my mom.

[MomzillaNC]

I think, at this point, you should only look for enough reconciliation to forgive her for your own sake, to eliminate any future power from her to hurt you again.

[therisa]

Momzilla, two years ago, I cut my mom out of my life, for she doesn't want to be seen with me, in public. She fears me, although, I have done nothing to deserve this fear, but want her love. I know, she'll never change, given her advance age of 75.

[MomzillaNC]

She won't change. It's not about her. It's about you… you learning not live in reaction to what you suffered at her or anyone's hands -- because that's empowering them over you, over what you feel and what choices you make. It's hard to stop living that reactionary attitude. I still struggle with it myself, more often than I'd like to admit. I came to the understand that my mom loves me as much as she is capable of loving. I let go… am still letting go of the past. I forgave and reconciled for me, for my future, and for my family (myself, my husband, and my son). It had nothing to do with her.

[therisa]

Is feeling quilty, a reactionary action, on my part, towards her, for the things, she has done to me?

[MomzillaNC]

Yes, if you feel guilt because of her actions. If it's her action, what guilt is in you? It's part of the cycle of abuse… the abuser makes it seem your fault, enabling the cycle to continue.

[therisa]

My mom excelled at that.

[MomzillaNC]

Mine too, T.