Just Wanting To Be Me

All my life

From the first day

I was born

People have been watching

And judging me.

 

While

I passed their test

I found myself

To be missing something

Vital and important.

 

For my growth

As a person

And my soul.

 

In placing

The needs of others

Ahead of my own

As the silent tears fall

Almost drowning my soul

With them.

 

No matter

How hard I try

It was never good enough

Finishing a distance second

Or worse.

 

At what point

Does this change

And people realize

Their version of me.

 

Is only

A partial picture

Of my true self?

 

Call it

A jigsaw facade

I'm trying

To understand.

 

What it means

To be Trans

And a survivor

Of abuse.

Author's Note

Originally written, August 6, 2014.