Hidden Habit

My struggle with isolation and agoraphobia

It started

As a want

Which has grown

Into a need

And now

An addiction.

 

Illicit drug

My soul craves for

More than life

Itself.

 

To the point

I find myself

Going out of my way

Avoiding people

Especially

Group settings.

 

That drain my energy levels

Both physically

And emotionally.

 

As if

An incubus is feeling

Upon me.

 

Crawling back

To the safety

Of my apartment

Locking the world

Out for days

On end.

 

Only leaving

When forced to

For appointments

Getting food

Or meds.

 

Becoming

A virtual recluse

From everyone.

Author's Note

Originally written, June 12, 2014.

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

This is a powerful description of addiction. Having lived with my share of them, I relate from the other side. This seems very honest and true to life. It is interesting that the mentality of any "addiction" is essentially the same.
I did notice virtual is spelled "vertual" by accident.

[therisa]

Oops, thanks KL. I wish, I hadn't spent this past summer, trapped inside of my apartment. Most weeks were considered a good one, if I got out, more than once, a week, with the aid of another person. Often spent several weeks, before I could exit my apartment.

[Sectando]

I know all too well this feeling, it is painful and comforting at the same time. Thank you for sharing, it's always good to know that we're really not alone.

[therisa]

Thank you, K. Sectando, for reading this poem, and your welcome. I wish people were more understanding of this battle, we have to face, on a daily basis.

[Sectando]

It really is unfortunate. The way our society shapes itself really does affect people and impacts our health but there are just too many folks only interested in superficial things and statuses. I really think our separation from one another is breeding mental illness because it goes against what comes natural...and our materialistic society that values itself on nothing but getting ahead and looking out for #1 really does not help. What ever happened to being close to people?

[therisa]

I know, my doctor doesn't really understand my struggle. Can only shake my head and sigh.

[Sectando]

Dr or Therapist?

[therisa]

Dr. He got a bit of bad rep, among some patients.

[Sectando]

from my understanding docs only really care about the med aspect of things. do you have a therapist?

[therisa]

Use to, but she retired, and trusting people is very hard for me, given my background of childhood abuse (physical and psychological) at home and on the schoolyard. I have trouble talking about my past. Except, able to write out my past, in the poems that I have posted here.