A Criminal, As Charged

Once more

I want to cry

Curling up

In a foetal position

On my bed.

 

Body reacting

In a negative way

To my current anti-depressant.

 

Wondering

How long

I will continue

To poison myself.

 

In the vain hope

Of treating

My various mental conditions

Suppressed for decades.

 

Knowing

Traditional treatments

Don't work

Often making things

Worse.

 

As my doctor

Doesn't believe

In the use of marijuana

For treating my problems.

 

When

In the past

Only marijuana has worked

In treating my anxiety

Before it becomes

A panic attack.

 

Sparing my body

The painful side-effects

Which hurt me

On a daily basis.

 

Doesn't my health matter

Beyond the number of prescriptions

That you get paid for

From the provincial government.

 

Guess

Your oath

Of doing no harm

Is meaningless

When confronted

By contradicting evidence.

Reviews

[Sectando]

Again, I'm in almost the same position. While I smoked regularly, I maintained life and responsibilities better than I ever had. After I stopped the anxiety and depression would just...build until it started becoming a problem. I tried fighting it by doing everything I could...making therapy arrangements, trying to get in to see a doctor for medications...in the end, it wasn't good enough and lost everything I had worked so hard at...but I will keep trying. I must...WE must..

[therisa]

Sadly, conventional drug therapy doesn't work for most people, given the horror stories, we hear about failed attempts, to find the right meds. I have reached the end of my patience, in letting the medical community use me, as a lab rat.

[Sectando]

legal issues don't help either that's for sure...I really hope you find an alternative plan maybe with a counselor or taking supplements. While I was waiting to see a dr (took months) I started taking vitamins that helped certain functions in the brain along with st. john's wort and a multivitamin every day at breakfast. I did this for 2 reasons. 1) to help me until I got meds and 2) to get used to routing med taking so that I would not miss doses.

Feel free to use me any time you'd like to talk about this stuff. I know how it feels to really want to reach out to other people who are going through the same thing.

[therisa]

Thank you, very much, K. Sectando. Sadly, my body is chemically sensitive, and any new drug or vitamin, is a challenge for me. Given the daily cocktail, I am taking to treat other conditions, I have.

[Sectando]

Oh my. Well I really do hope you find a system that works for you. Again, feel free to message me any time.

[therisa]

Will keep this, in mind, when the time comes.

[TL Boehm]

Guess
Your oath
Of doing no harm
Is meaningless
When confronted
By contradicting evidence.

Yes, that last stanza hits it right on the money.

[therisa]

Thank you, Tammy, for your kind review.

Big Pharma paves the way, meds are prescribe, by doctors.

[dopey]

Last stanza hit me home. I find I often do things that are harmful to myself, in the desire to better my circumstances.

[therisa]

Thank you, Dopey, for reviewing this poem. Dopey, I have tried playing by the doctor's rules, but they have done more harm than good, for me.

[dopey]

Only you can know what benefits you best. Trust your instincts, but keep your health and safety well in mind.

[therisa]

Dopey, over the past 7 years, I have tried 8 anti-depressant/anxiety meds and various combos, to treat my PTSD, several anxiety disorders and chronic severe depression, with little to negative results. The times, I have used marijuana (as a herb, in my food), I have noticed dramatic improvement, in my mental state, without any of the toxic side-effects, associated with conventional Western medicine. Personally, I wish I didn't need to use any drug, in my body, but I can't.

[MomzillaNC]

I'm sorry you're suffering so. Makes ya wanna move to Colorado! This one feels necessarily visceral.

[therisa]

Thank you, Momzilla. This is my 8th anti-depressant, in the past 7 years. I have taken breaks up to 16 months, before trying another anti-depressant. This time, I won't be taking up another anti-depressant. Rather deal with my depression, anxiety and PTSD, toxin free.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. Good luck.

[therisa]

Thank you.