Shattered Mirror

Body Image

Distorted image

Of a monster

Reflected back

In the bathroom mirror.

 

Seeing

A bloated beached whale

On two legs

Where none exists.

 

Distant echoes of voices

Bouncing off

The mind's canyon walls.

 

Pockmarking the ego

With their acidic comments

About weight and size

Until it resembled

A slice of Jarlsberg cheese.

 

In reality

Nothing was wrong

Just society.

Author's Note

Most of my life, I can remember cruel jokes and comments being made, about my weight, by friends, family members and strangers. It got to point, these remarks were cutting deep, into me, as I began to hate my body, for how it looked, beyond the issues, which my transsexual nature created. There have been two times, in my life, I have felt comfortable with my weight, but the people around me, expressed their concerns about me, become anorexic, which I didn't see.

Reviews

[Tina Louise UK]

I know this feeling hun..I have been made fun of in my past for various reasons. Me being 4ft 11" doesn't help..people can be so cruel!

[therisa]

Oh Tia, am so sorry, you had to endure that type of torture. On the bright side is, you don't have to duck for low doorways, when visiting historical buildings.

[Tina Louise UK]

lol...no but I have fallen into a few freezers while shopping!

[therisa]

Been there and done that. OR had to ask for help to reach stuff on the top shelf.

[Tina Louise UK]

yup...so annoying...you would think they would have lower shelves!!!

[therisa]

Yeah right.

[icelandicblue]

I am 5'10' tall for a female of my generation. It took me a long time to appreciate it. I felt awkward like Gulliver and the Liliputions. People still have no qualms about making quips about my height. I will not bore you and in my youth I cannot tell you how many men asked me to stand back to back to see who was taller. This made me really self conscious, I wore flats, I hunched over. It was a sad time, I felt so ugly. But life changed and I have learned to celebrate my outer and inner self but I do admit I am obsessed with my weight at 130 lbs. all the petite people exclaim I didn't think you weighed that much...hello I'm 5'10". We can't be airbrushed so at some point we have to try and see the real us. I understand the whole weight thing though because I am a bit too preoccupied with it, I always have been. Yours though sounds health threatening but when we can't fight or flee we control what we can. I feel your pain and if I hear "how's the weather up there" one more time I will probably punch someone. People can be insensitive twits.

[therisa]

Thank you, Icelandicblue, for sharing this part of your life. Myself, I was one of the smallest person, in my classes, even when the qrowth spurt hit. On a good day, my doctor is being generous and list me, as 5'6", when I' 5'5 3/4". Most of my life, I have called "fat" and other cruel names associated with being on the heavier side of the scales. Those two times, I came close to be anorexic, there were valid reasons, the first time, I walking about 10 km/day, without rehydriating or consuming enough calories for myself. And the second time, was happened, when I started my HRT programme and the testosterone blocker was a diarectic....couldn't find a toilet quick enough, during those early months.

I wish I was taller, but I won't wear high heel for vanity's sake. Besides, my fallen arches won't let me. I will spare you, the weather jabs, if you spare me, the groundhog jokes.