To Look In The Mirror, Without Shivering

Some things are beyond our control.

Feel the sigh

As it escapes

From my lips.

Looking back

Upon a time

In my life.

When denial

Filled my soul

Anger ran wild

And I cried

Silently.

Wondering

How my parents' silence

Could be

So loud.

Am I

Missing something

Only time allows me

To see

Now?

Changing

How parents view

Their children?

Although

My mom won't admit this

But I had said

"I'm gay"

She could accept.

Only wish

My dad was there

On that fateful day

As the voice of reason

But he's dead.

Having died

On November 15, 1998

From a fatal heart attack.

But I couldn't continue

In living this lie

Which was killing me

One moment

At a time.

Author's Note

After my mom's rejection of me, on July 1, 2006, I experienced a month-long depression, during this time, I attempt twice, to kill myself.

Reviews

[Goat]

This poem is well written and conveys great emotion. Good job!

[therisa]

Thank you, Goat.

[BlackRose]

I felt this deep in my soul. My heart ached for you reading on through. You just continue being you, no mater what what others say. you deserve to be happy. Fab none the less but so somber. :o(

[therisa]

Thank you, BlackRose, I'm just being myself,by healing and accepting myself, as who I am.

[BlackRose]

Nothing wrong with that. It's the best thing to do, be yourself as i said. And I wouldn't want you any other way. :o)

[therisa]

Thank you.

[Frieda P]

Needless to say, I felt this one to my core...a chilling read therisa, I hope it proves cathartic for you. Tugs at a mother's heartstrings....

[therisa]

Sadly, I will never be able to fill the hole, which exist in my heart and soul, Frieda. My mom hurt me, really bad, both before and after coming out to her.

[Frieda P]

I know the feeling well, the people who are supposed to love us the most and protect us, seemingly do the most damage.

[therisa]

Thing is, she doesn't understand, how she's hurting me, and never will.

[Frieda P]

They don't want to understand, have no clue how to love unconditionally and go through life with blinders on...

[therisa]

And that hurts, the most.

[Tina Louise UK]

So very sad. A heartfelt read hun...I still don't understand how a parent can turn from their child..never will. xxx

[therisa]

I wish I knew, Tia, then I could help other LGBT people, who have been rejected by a parent or a love one.