A Gender War Surivivor

Sparked, in part, by an interview, I had for an art therapy program.

As I sit

Before you

In your office

You ask me:

"What does it mean

To be transgender?"

Tears flowing

And stuttering

From previous questions

I respond:

"It's living

Inside an alien body

Which no one realizes

But me.

"Forced to look at

And touch a birth defect

On a daily basis

That others view

As normal."

Except

I keep quiet

About parts of my life

Which the pain is

Still fresh

To my memory.

About the mental abuse

By my mom

Who used a misguided belief

I needed to be protected

24/7/365 from myself.

A by-product

Of my electrical burns

Around the corners

Of my mouth

When four years old.

But this pales

To the gathering storm

Which broke loose

Concerning my true gender.

Enduring months

Of constant harassment

As I grew my hair out

From it's conservative style.

Just phoning me

With offers to pay

For the hair cut

Which I hung up

On her.

Refusing to accept

Or believe

Her waning control

Over me

With each new "no".

Taking a neutral party

To stop her

And hammer out

A stressful truce

Between us.

Lasting

Until July 1, 2006

When you showed up

Unannounced and unexpected

At my apartment door

As is your wont to do.

Hell broke loose

As I answered the door

In a floral skirt and t-shirt.

Not sure

Who was

More surprised

You or I.

Staring at me

Like I had done

Something very wrong

To the universe.

Refusing to hear

What I had to say

Before cursing

And denouncing me

As your eldest child.

Well mom

Hell has frozen over

And I am not

Crawling back to you

Begging for your forgiveness.

Rather

Have turned my back

Upon your toxic demands

Blazing a new trail

Without you.

Author's Note

Written January 10, 2014.

Reviews

[Emily B]

there is a new day dawning, there are better days ahead

[Frieda P]

A poignant and emotive read, bravo for having the courage to stand up and blaze your own trail.

[therisa]

Thank you, Frieda. I have to admit, there were times, which I found myself, staring at various means, to end my life, from July 1, 2006 until January 2, 2011.

[Frieda P]

So glad you had the wherewithal to stick it out...

[therisa]

I held a lot of anger, towards myself, for my mom's actions, to me. Thinking, I had done something wrong, when it was her, who is, the guilty party. I still have anger issues, where my mom is involved and not sure that they will ever go away.