My First Feminine Recognizition

Sometimes, even positives things, can happen, when we least expect them, like this next monologue.

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First Positive Recognition

There are certain milestones that occur in our lives, which happen at the spur of the moment, placing them, beyond our control, while having a very profound impact on us, as a person. Twice, in 2009, did this happened, as if, I was struck by "lightning", concerning my, being identified, as female, by other people. Yeah, I know that I said, this monologue would be the first time and it is, but, with a clarification attached to it. So sue me, a girl got the right to, change her mind, if she wishes to.

Not sure, why, but shopping seems to be, my own personal catalyst, for triggering dramatic events, in my life. These recognitions happen, while shopping for groceries, at two different “No Frills”, in Toronto, a chain of discount supermarkets. If you were wondering, what the clarification is, it is this, first to be, recognition from a distance, and then, in person.

Four years have passed, since this fateful day, when this event unfolded before me. Not sure, if it was, either late spring or early summer, when I found myself, shopping at a “No Frills”,located, at the southwest corner of Dundas Street West and Lansdowne Avenue, walking down an empty aisle, by myself, pushing a shopping cart. As the sound of a young boy’s voice, reached my ears, asking his mom, whether "they were going down, the same aisle, as the lady ahead of them”? To which, she replied, “Yes, we are, honey”.

Hearing that brief segment of their conversation, did more to boost my self-esteem, than my first year, of taking Estrogen and Spironolactone, to transform my body. Positive reinforcement, telling me, that I am, taking the right pathway, regarding the physical transitioning of my body, which previously, heard only painfully negative comments about it. I, so desperately needed to hear this, to counter the very strong and powerful negative self-image of my body, in general. My friends have said, similar words to me, but, it does not have the same positive impact, as coming from that young child's mouth, a total stranger, who does not know me or give a care about my fragile mental health. I was walking on, "Cloud Nine", with a huge goofy smile glued to my face, as I took the streetcar, home.

Second and possibly, the most important recognition of me, as a woman, happened while shopping at the "No Frills", located at the northeast corner, of Gerrard Street East and Carlaw Avenue. I had walked up the checkout counter, with my groceries placed on the convey belt. Until the young teenage cashier, asked me, "How are you doing, ma'am"? First time, this has ever happen to me, during my transitioning. What really surprised me; I was not wearing any makeup, beyond my nails, covered in, a dark red nail polish. Guess, miracles can really happen, even to people, like me.

Normally, the cashiers would have, a stricken look, upon their faces, as they try to figure, how to address me, with the proper pronouns. Given my warped dry sense of humour, I am laughing, silently to myself, at their discomfort. Know, this is wrong, but I cannot help it, especially, the older women, who see my breast, but are puzzled, by my male sounding voice and the faint shadow of facial hairs, on my face. Welcome, to my wonderful and confusing world, of transitioning.