Beyond Relief

An attempt to describe my depression.

How I wish

I could fully describe

My depression

To you.

Even

At the best of times

I find myself

Living below equilibrium.

Whether or not

Taking a cocktail

Of toxic anti-depressants.

Battling spontaneous

Outburst of tears

And mood swings

For longer

Than I remember.

Of the frustration

And anger build up

At my helplessness

To prevent it.

Always

Turned inward

Never expressed outwards

Except for tears

And mood swings.

Further fueling

The depressive episode

Which grips me.

Withdrawing

From the world

Into a cocoon

Of silence.

Where food is

My solace and bane.

While

My weight balloons

Or shrivels

To scarier levels

Worsening

Existing conditions.

Before bouncing back

As words return

To me.

Always

Just short

Of equilibrium.

Author's Note

Not sure, if my problem with depression, is worsen by being transgender.