In A Muddle

The internal conflict that I have, with the Canada Day long week.

Sigh.

Need to keep myself

Occupied for the next few days

Else will dwell upon

That I cannot change

Even if I wanted to.

Should be

Marking this weekend

As a celebration

And yet

My heart says

Otherwise.

Do not understand

Why this conflict

Between my heart

And brain.

Having told her

To do

The physically impossible

For a single person

Last November.

In a moment

Of released anger

Pent up

Over the years.

Knowing

Nothing will ever change

How she thinks or views me

As her eldest child.

To her

I'm her eldest son

Nothing more

Born 43 years ago.

Never mind

The past five years of HRT

And the physical changes

Which my body has

Experienced.

Accompanied by

The emotional healing

In accepting

My feminine self

As my dominant side.

Releasing the restraints

Artificially imposed upon me

By society's view

Of how a boy should react

Emotionally.

Author's Note

On July 1, 2006, I accidently outed myself, to my mom, when I answered my door, wearing a navy blue floral skirt and a red top.