First Night

My first time out, en femme

Looking
Backwards
Cannot believe
How naïve I was.

Living
In a conservative
Commuting city
At the time.

Sigh.

See
How you are
Looking at me.

Pretending
Not to do so
But I catch you
Every time
You look away.

Wonder
What thoughts are
Passing through
Your male mind
As you look
At me.

Seeing
A nervous woman
As I make
My public debut
En femme
On a winter night.

Waiting
For the regional bus
Heading towards
My biweekly
Support group meeting
In Toronto.

A
Cold wind
Bites into my body
Through the green
Woolen stockings.

And
Three/quarter length
Brown corduroy
Skirt.

Doubts
Start to arise
In my mind
Over the wisdom.

Or
The lack of
In my dressing up
On this wintry
Friday night.

Counting
Every millisecond
Constantly glancing
At my cell phone.

Sending out
My willpower
For the bus
To appear
Now.

Chill
Settling
Into my bones
With each passing
Moment.

Eyes
Kept downwards
Avoiding any further
Contact with others
In the lineup.

As
I shuffled
My feet
To keep warm.

After
What seems
The millionth time
Looking for the bus
It appeared.

Quickly
But dignified
I entered
The Toronto bound
Bus.

Author's Note

Originally written September 6, 2012.