New School Year!

 

At one point or another everyone goes through something bad. Chelsey seemed to have it all. She was a cheerleader, the most popular girl in her grade, and had the quarterback boyfriend. Chelsey couldn’t wait until the weekend came, shopping, going to the best parties that people at school were having, sleeping in late.

            Today was a special day it was going to be the first big party of the new school year, and guess who was holding Chelseys’ boyfriend Alex. The first thing she did when she got home was go to the mall. She knew she was in need of a new dress for the party. When she got there her best friend Pagie was there so they went looking for something to wear.

            Alex was someone you could talk to, well there were some things you couldn’t talk to him about. The last thing he wanted at a time like this was for his party to go wrong or his girlfriend not to show up. Alex’s party was about to start. His heart was racing a million miles a minute.

            Party time! Everything was going good; it got even better when Chelsey entered the room. Even though his parents told him no drugs or drinking: mostly everyone there was either doing one or the other. Alex seemed to have had one too many drinks. He couldn’t keep his hands off of his girl. She always told herself she was going to save “it” until she got married. One thing led to another and they ended up in Alex’s room. Sitting on this bed they started touching each other and then it happened. She told him over and over to stop but he didn’t.

            Less then five minutes later they were done. Alex went back down stairs but Chelsey couldn’t get herself to go back down. All she could think about was what just happened to her. Then her best friend came upstairs to check up on her. Pagie might have let something like this not get to her but Chelsey wasn’t the kind of girl to be away from all the fun and people.

            Four weeks had passed since the whole thing had happened. All kinds of thoughts were running through her head what she would tell her mom, the one person she told she would wait up her wedding night. What would her mother say? Would she get mad? She hoped that Alex wouldn’t tell any of his friends or anyone else.

            Pagie knew Chelsey was acting weird and called her. That’s when Chelsey broke and told her what had happened. Later that day they went to the drugstore and got a pregnancy test. After they got back to Paige’s house, Chelsey took the test. Now more then ever she knew she needed god. “Positive”, she read. Tears started to race down her face. Nothing could help her at a time like this. Pagie had to go home.

            Later that night she though long and hard, she knew her mom had alcohol. She went to into her room and started to drink after she was done, she kept saying dirty girl, dirty girl. This met that so thought of herself as dirt for what she did.

            After she thought about it she broke the bottle. Chelsey then took a piece of glass and started to cut herself. She heard her mother unlocking the front door. She quickly hide everything under her bed. When her mother came upstairs she acted as though nothing had happened.

            After she knew her mother was asleep she took the broken glass out and started to cut herself once more, the phone started to ring.  The ringing got louder and louder. The ring turned into a buzz.

            She wok up very quickly. Never had she been more scared then just now. Now she was happy, she slipped on her slippers Of pink fizz. A celebration, this is She thought to herself for what you just read was a girl’s bad dream.

 

*some of the lines were taken from the poem Cut by Sylvia Plath

           

           

             

Reviews

[Fra/c/ture]

When she got there her best friend Pagie was there so they went looking for something to wear. Alex was someone you could talk to, well there were some things you couldn't talk to him about.

*this part is a little bit awkward because you go straight from talking about her friend Pagie to her boyfriend Alex and never really indicate a switch or say much about Pagie. I would either say a little more about Pagie or put something at the end of that paragraph that shos a transition between talking about Pagie to talking about Alex.

*less THAN five minutes later they were done

*Pagie might have let something like this not get to her but Chelsey wasn't the kind of girl to be away from all the fun and people.

the beginning of this sentence is clumsy with the might have let and not get to her. try to simplify the words.

*Nothing could help her at a time like this. Pagie had to go home.

this is a great series of two sentences. its simple and to the point but yet says alot.

*she THOUGHT long and hard

*she went INTO her room

*started to drink. After she was done,... (break this into another sentence)

*This met that so thought of herself as dirt for what she did.

not exactly what this wording is supposed to be

*she quickly HID everything under the bed.

*WOKE up very quickly

*scared THAN just now


this was a good story. it lost a little bit of its power at the end by just saying, "tadaa! it was all a dream!" because you had a really good story going. maybe you did that because you didnt know how to end it without her killing herself?

its interesting that you used her line in a story about unwanted sex because sylvia plath actually was sexually abused and had some bad issues with sex and that was one of the reasons she ended up killing herself. ironic that you ended up having a bit of that in your story, unless you knew that, in which case nice job of incorporating that.

all in all, it was a good read and the only thing that bummed me out was the ending because i felt like it just made everything okay magically and i was hoping for something more real.

[justink :):)]

i liked it but i think that you should have a tittle for it but over all i realy liked it




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