rainbow

 

Once there was a girl named Kelly. She was always wearing yellow everyday. She seemed to be very positive, every day the sun seemed to shine. Then one day her mother told her they were moving. Kelly didn’t like her new school but acted like she did. Her first class of the day was gym, since it was the first day of gym she played with a yellow ball. Then at art she painted with yellow paint.

       When she got home she changed into her favorite black shirt and pants. She played with her black cat named Night Time. Every time she’s in her room she wants it black as night. Her mother didn’t want her to stay in her room all afternoon and told her she should go play outside to make new friends.

       The next day in gym she finally started to talk to someone, that girls name was Sally. She was the opposite of her she was always wearing purple, because that was her favorite color. They played together at gym. At lunch she told Sally to meet her at her house.

       When they got to Kelly’s house Sally seemed hurt, she thought that Kelly was another person but Sally didn’t care because she was happy to be with Kelly.

       Later that night Kelly couldn’t sleep so she painted her nails pink and she never really wanted to wear anything pink. She even fell asleep writing a letter in pink ink.

       Sally was waiting at Kelly’s locker for her with a pink rose. When Kelly got there she was in a bad mood, but once she saw Sally she became all better. Sally walked Kelly to her home room. Later that day during lunch she didn’t sit with Sally at lunch and she then she saw Sally with another girl.

       When she got home she called Sally, she told Kelly that she was going out with that other girl. Kelly immediately got mad and did know what to say.

       Kelly thought that everything in her life was going to end. Like she wasn’t important to anyone she loved or   anyone who was a friend to her. She had a long talk with God and thing weren’t getting better from here.

       That night she killed herself, took a whole bottle of Advil. The next day her mother found her in bed. She knew something was wrong and called 911.

       Kelly’s funeral was great for a funeral but most of her friends were crying though the whole thing. Her mother read a note she had written that was to be read. ….  I don’t know what came over me, was it the long move from place to place, having to give up old friends and make new ones, or finding out that my girlfriend hated me.

    At that point Sally knew what happened and she couldn’t take it. before she left, she left a bouquet of rainbow roses.

 

Reviews

[WriterMe]

This was very... interesting. The reason I say that with so much hesitation was that the idea of the story was abstract. The killed herself because her supposed gf was going out with someone else? Is that it? So she took a bottle of Advil.
You might want details which I know will be hard considering you need to incorporate the colors of the rainbow. But I think it will be a good idea.

[A U R i]

iT WAS A PRETTy GOOD STORy
BUT i THiNkk iT COUlD OF BEEN BETTER
FOR YOUR NEXT STORy i THiNk YOUh SHOUlDN
TAlK SO MUCh OF THE OBViOUS liKE
SAyiNg SO MANy COLORS WASNT NECESSARY
iF THE POINT WAS SHOWN =]
OVER All GREAT STORy [=

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

I liked but I got the feeling that it could be better.
Like if you took the reader through all of the colors of the rainbow or at least a few more and had the represent different emotions.
There were a few typos that I pasted here for you to see.
"Sally walked Kelly to her home room. Later that day during lunch she didn't sit with Sally at lunch and
*** she then she saw *** Sally with another girl."
"When she got home she called Sally, *** she *** told Kelly that she was going out with that other girl. Kelly immediately got mad and *** did know *** what to say."
"She had a long talk with God and *** thing weren't getting better from here *** ."
"Her mother read a note she had written that was to be read."

Some of the wording seems a little off.
I like the story idea and I think that it is worth revising .
Please do not take offence to this critique.
If you intended this to be just a ranting of sme sort to get something off of your chest then thats cool. If you want it to be an actual story then it seems lacking in context. Her life didn't seem so bad that she should just go and end it that quick. Plus, will a whole bottle of advill kill you. It might. I don't know. I thought that it would just make you major sick. I could be wrong about that though.
Love All, Mejasha

[October]

I liked that the main characters were gay.
I'm gay. Woo.

Ha, Sorry.

Anyway, this was an interesting story.
I would have liked to see it end in some different way, though.
It seemed the suicide was predictable.

And I would have liked better descriptions
and insights on what the narrator was thinking and feeling.
If the reader doesn't know the character,
We aren't really going to care what happens to her.

I couldn't tell if the colors were symbolic.
Were they?
That would be really neat.

But over all,
I enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing.