Perfection

 

I can’t help
but see the fat
I can’t look
without crying
I wish
I was thin
I wish
I was perfect
I’d rather be
dead than
look at myself
I feel fat
no matter what
I can’t separate
myself from food
I want
to be thin
I want
to die
I want
perfection

Author's Note

I do not wish this for me or anyother person

Reviews

[emz]

This is the epitome of sadness... nicely written... got the point across in a few short words.

i wish you peace

x

[~crazy Beautiful~]

so tragic
i know this pain too
it seems i have never been completely happy with myself, i think that many people do not like something about themselves .
nice work
thank you for entering my contest

[Baby Boy]

No body is perfect gurl, but in my eyes you are close to it! :) I feel what you are saying cause I know I'm far from perfect but I know you now have your held held high so keep it that way for me! :) One luv sweetie! :)


-JC-

[IMOGEAN]

Honey, perfection is an illusion. It is no more real than Santa Clause. You may look at my photo and say: but you just don't understand, you are so beautiful. The reality is, yes I weigh 120 lbs, yet I am burned more than half of my body and scars cover me beneath my clothes. I accept myself for who I am and am grateful to be alive. I love my scars because they have made me humble and kind. I can sing and I can dance, although my health is not always good my mind is crisp and I have passion in my heart. Love yourself. You are worthy, you are a child of God. And yes, you are beautiful.

Hugs you tight...

Imogean~

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

wow that is quite captivating and i am sorrry that society has made a monster out of being thin, i am almost 270 but i am built like a tank, i would look goofy as a skinny person. so just because some one says you look fat or what ever just look at them and tell them to bugger off you are not going to waste your time stressing over whatr they think. you have a beautiful spirit ans i bet you are hot so stand up and tell them to go to hell. besides almost all people who write have nothing but beauty on the inside, who knows that just might be the way that fate intended you to meet your love of your life, hell some guys like heavier women... keep your chin up it can only get better.

[Fra/c/ture]

wow, this is a really nicely done piece.
what i like is that youve kept the lines short and simple.
the "i want" on its own line is nice because it has a repeating effect thats good for this piece.

i dont even see much that id change here. maye if you wanted to play with it, you could try doing something like this...

i wish
i was thin
i was perfect

see how the "i wish" carries over to both things then so you dont have to repeat it? it might work here, it might not. its up to you. but this is much better than the other two snippets of things yuo posted last week. as you continue writign poetry, id work on this style--short lines, simple.