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March 16, 2019.

it feels rather uncomfortable
like a pool being filled with cold water
you cannot move
you just wait until you drown
you just wait until you cannot breathe
that is when you break
you cling onto whatever is on your reach
people, objects
you cannot swim out of it
something or someone has to save you
it was not your choice
nor theirs
it is just written and stablished by nature
you either drown or breathe again

Reviews

[JayG]

* "it feels rather uncomfortable "

So an unknown "it" is sort of uncomfortable in an unknown way? What can this mean to a reader who just arrived. Remember, this is the reader's first impression, so they either have context as they read or you've lost them.

• like a pool being filled with cold water

Do you fill them with anything else but water right out of the pipe? But forget that. You just told the reader that the pool, when being filled with cold water, feels uncomfortable. It's not what you meant, but it is what you said, and a reader goes by what the words suggest to them, based on their background, and experience, not your intent.

The problem is that in your poetry, and your fiction, you, the author, are talking TO the reader (or sometimes to someone unknown). That's a nonfiction technique. It's fact-based and author-centric, and as exciting as any other report, because the experience it provides is informational. But we don't tell the reader somethgn like, "I cried at my father's funeral." Why would they care? That's what we must FIRST, make the reader care. They want you to give them reason to weep.

Have you ever read a poem, and then felt sad, or laughed, or... That was a well written poem. Talk to the reader with the nonfiction writing tools we're given in school and and all they can do is shrug and say, "Uh-huh."

In fiction, remember the story that was so intense that you had to stop reading for a moment, saying something like, "Oh no...now what do we do?" That was well-written fiction. And we don't learn the first thing about how to do that in school.

You, and I, and everyone else, forgot that poetry and fiction-writing are professions for which they offer degree programs. And certainly, some of what they learn is necessary. Right. So we just begin writing. And our own writing always works for us. That's why we must edit as the reader, who has no context we don't evoke or provide, and none of the mental images that we hold as we read.

In short, like everything else, it's all in the "becoming."

So, become. Become a poet, and a fiction-writer. You'll enjoy the learning.

For poetry, you might want to read Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. You can download it from the address below.

For fiction, I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

Give them a try. I think you'll be glad you did.

As a minor point, we don't see a lot of work posted in languages other than English, you you might not get much of a response for what isn't.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/