Knockadiles and Crystal Canaries

this sprung from a mixture of herpetology class, alice in wonderland, and attempting to write in 2nd person =D

Crystal winks tinkled lightly against each other as the small glass canary ruffled them, preening himself in the early morning sunlight. Bellow him; his friend the knockadile rested peacefully enjoying the spreading warmth of the day.

 

Why is that bird crystal? And what in the blazes is a knockadile? Well, I shall take you on a little tour and we shall see.

 

The knockadile my dear child, is half fox and half crocodile. See his vibrant red bushy tail? Look closely now, can you see the scaly spine that runs down the center of it? Res I realize he’s not green, he’s not supposed to be. Those red scales are much more becoming if you ask me. Yes yes! Can you see it now? Take a gander at his long legs, see how they end in crocodiles claws? It’s Brilliant! Absolutely magnificent! Now look! Gaze at his handsome profile, the tapered fox snout and the marvelous scent tracking nose! The nose of a mighty hunter my friend!

 

What’s that? You wish to feel his scaly head? Ok, but do be careful, his shell shaped ears are delicate and he won’t take kindly to them being fuddled around with. There now, approach him slowly, make eye contact! Very important! Now bow before him… good… good! Look he’s bowing back! What an honor my friend! What a true honor! Yes yes he’s given you permission to approach him!

 

The slick red and tan scales slide smoothly beneath your fingers, each stroke sends shivers up your spine as the knockadile closes his eyes in content. A great lolling tongue rolls out from behind his powerful jaws and he now somewhat resembles a small puppy being patted.  His luxurious tail gracefully bends behind your knees, as you marvel at this magnificent creature.

 

The crystal bird? Oh yes, he’s beautiful isn’t he? Magic!? Oh gosh no! Haha! No, you see, being a stone, stuck in the ground is dreadfully boring my friend; he wanted to see a bit more of the world. The dwarves of these mountains listen to the stones, listen to their murmurs and sighs. They understand the pebbles and the boulders. Look to the north, do you see the great mountains of Kerein (Care-ee-in). Notice the glimmering sheen at the base between those two red akwin (ah-kwin) tree's? That is the entrance the dwarves caves where they release stones from their dormant states. The stones are alive over there thanks to the dwarves. Isn't it amazing? the stone was a bird, and the bird was a stone, and only a dwarf would understand that. . .

 

You nod in agreement as the bird continues to preen itself, seeming to take strands of sunlight and tucking them into his iridescent feathers as he grooms. Dimly, you become aware that these things should not exist, glancing at the “tour guide” as you’ve begun to call him, your expression becomes confused, like that of a small child trying to understand a conversation between his parents. The tour guide smiles at you and begins speaking again, winking as he does so…

Author's Note

Please ignore grammatical and spelling errors, its a work in progress, one that i'm not sure i will continue yet, feed back would be amazingly appreciated. Tell me what you think of the idea, and if the stance I've taken by writing it in 2nd person is working out well.
(NEW NOTE: this story was revised and the extra info about the canary was added on May 27th 2010)

Reviews

[Senseless whatever]

Excellent write! The expansion/ description of the canary only added to the mystique of this piece. You have as expected bumped it up a level. In the first version I pictured walking in a zoo, or museum type setting. Now I am in a much larger open air, Yellowstone Park. Simply fabulous.

[VICIOUSxX]

Well clearly you're creative :) I don't really understand the purpose of this short story it seems to me just descriptions of mystifyingly beautiful creatures but I like it and I want a knockadile as a pet !! :D please read my intro to my novel and review

[Wolfe Greytome]

Lovely descriptions in this. Well done!!!!

[seal]

So awesome! I like how the story seems to be responding to you and as you read it, you feel like asking more questions because the answers given in the story are fantastic... If you know what i mean hahaha.

[ICE]

What a wonderful story! Adorable and whimsical. Great write!

[Wicahpi]

Okay, I feel sorry for the "crystal bird" for the "knockadile" got more of the spotlight and I feel the question "why is that bird crystal?" was not answered, other than he was 'a stone stuck in the ground'.

So, with that, an expansion of this story is necessary to give 'canary' his due.
For sly fox crocs shouldn't get all the glory!

:)

[Manda]

wow! awesome!

[AbsentElements]

This is a very creative piece, and I must admit it is a very great write. I haven't heard much pieces written this way, but it is very unique. I love it

[Senseless whatever]

Very good. Creative with a little Hagrid thrown in. It flows well and keeps the reader entertained. Good job keeping the perspective as 'narrator'.
My suggestion, flip theses two "the tapered fox snout and the marvelous scent tracking nose! The nose of a mighty hunter my friend! " Just will stay in form with the way the paragraph is written. Also in stanza 5 and 7 you change from speaker to observer. Not really a problem but could be confusing.

[MissWordSmith]

i like the tense of this piece. a very good write, and great imagination here! keep it up!