How could our luck be so poor?

I actaully had to google "disney Princesses" to do this.

Cinderella's glass slipper shattered
into glimmering shards across the floor
her dress now bloody and tattered
How could her luck have been so poor?

Sleeping beauty never awoke
Her prince lay dead on the floor
and the Kingdom went up in smoke
How could her luck have been so poor?

Snow white never found the dwarfs
For they had locked the front door
And now she lay in the cold with not even a scarf
How could her luck be so poor?

Bell was tossed aside by the beast
thought she could change hime for sure
But he hadn't changed in the least
How could her luck be so poor?

And now the princesses of our fairy tales
Know better than to ignore
That everything ends in ails
How could our luck be so poor?

Reviews

[Gregory H.]

Dear Shannon,

This was a good poem...I liked it...It was a little diferent...I noticed some errors thought this poem...the 7th line has a capitalization error...“Kingdom” should be “kingdom”...the 11th line in my opinion need to be shorter...and the 15th line “hime” should be “him”...The beginings of your lines need to be fixed for capitalization...but overall a well written poem...

92/100

Sincerly,
Gregory

[thatbryngirl]

thats really cool!! just the words and everything...really creative!

[Mauricio Montoya]

I love the play on words all the while you keep the title alive
nice piece. great work.
mauricio

[Antonio Valentino]

Nice take on some old classic fairy tales. Its important these stories are kept alive for future gens to be able to find their own morals and interpretations.

Very well done Shannon!
Antonio

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

Gregory is copying my formal reviewing style! Grr! But I guess it's not really copyrighted, so that's alright. I like that he can be honest especially to someone he loves. xD That's hard to find in a guy these days. Most of 'em are pushovers. Anyways... the poem revolves around a simple theme of the Beauty and the Beast, Cinderalla, and Snow White (Wall-E is the best, even if it isn't a princess movie) and a commentary in the lines of a poem. It's very well written expressing your feelings.

Not all poems have to be written with the first and third, second and fourth line rhyming. Try to experiment. Like, try a Haiku poem. In a Haiku poem, there is three lines in one stanza. The first and third line rhyme, and there is a syllable count of 5-3-5. Syllables, if you're not familiar, are how many times you can clap your hand while saying a word pretty much. Experimentation is the key essence to what not only makes writing enjoyable, but it helps the writer to improve in ways to become fathomable.

Also, you don't need to capitalize the beginning line of each stanza. It's emphasizing points that don't need to be emphasized. I can see where Gregory is coming from on the 11th line. I'd reword it as, "She lays in the cold without a scarf." I think scarf is too forced into the context. Forcing yourself to rhyme can be bad at times. Keep writing, and keep it up! 9.3/10.

A Fellow Writer,
S. W. Scaggs

[Coyote Poetry]

The real life versions of the fairy tales. I thought you did very well with the stories. A well written poem that was strong in story and a pleasure to be able to read. Thank you.
Coyote

[Wolfe Greytome]

Overall an excellent piece. A couple of capitalization errors.....and Bell should be spelled Belle from the french - belle - meaning beautiful..........but otherwise a flawless piece with interesting concept. Well done!!!!

[Wicahpi]

Aw ... not everything can't be roses and rainbows, I guess..lol

Very good stuff here. reminds me of reading "Fractured Fairy Tales" great imagination, be it a bit dark but realistic. Cudos

[AbsentElements]

This was a very brilliant idea behind it all. I love that it has a theme and the theme is very interesting. The rhyming scheme just ties it all together

[ICE]

I thought this was a great and savy piece. Great work! :)