Oppurtunites to great, and rainbows faded to gray....

Oppurtunites to great, and rainbows faded to gray....

A Poem by Shannon

Far to good
To have last
Far to perfect
to not have passed
Far to fantastic
To have been real
far to amazing
for me to have been able
A passing dream
Like a crush's glance
with an unrealistic gleam
Like a hypnotist's trance
It lasts for awhile,
then slowly fades away
Leaving your world far to dull
And letting your rainbows fade to gray......

© 2010 Shannon


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Reviews

Dear Writer,

Thank you for the read request. As I delve into the meat of this piece, it seems to me more prose than poetry. Like it's lyrical versus a poem. I see some repetition and rhyme which is good. And I like the increase in rhythm. It's relatively comfortable on the eyes to look at and creates a good sense of flow. If you work to put this into stanzas, I think it may help a bit more.
"Far to good
to have last.

Far to perfect
to not have passed." So on. Also, at the end of your poem, there is too many periods. Use only three. I think personally that the title of the poem is too long and should be cut down some. I did like the overall magnitude of this piece. Always aspire to be the best you can be! And I hope you and Gregory are doing great! :D 9.6/10.

Your Reader,
S. W. Scaggs

Posted 14 Years Ago


I've live(d) this, awesomeness!!!

Posted 14 Years Ago


Oh so true to life. You have the poetic voice of one that has been there, and yet your age says this can not be. True passion comes from within and not all that think they posses it actually do. You may just be one. Fantastic Job!!

Posted 14 Years Ago


you and your rainbows fading to gray lol
Fabulous poem, though, love. ^_^

Posted 14 Years Ago


This is a sad poem...but flowed and ran really well...Nice job...

AA
Gregory...

Posted 14 Years Ago



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183 Views
5 Reviews
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Added on February 22, 2010
Last Updated on February 22, 2010

Author

Shannon
Shannon

PA



About
I joined this site in 2009, when I was writing poetry exclusively. However my range has expanded and blended. My once short poems are now some sort of descriptive paragraph/free verse hybrid. I .. more..

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