Ink contradiction

another spur of the moment item from the dark recesses of my mind

This infliction
its all i feel
Fact or fiction?
Is this real?
Your words are a contradiction
will i ever heal?
Loves last game
Your devious crime
Such a shame
But this heart is all mine
with its bruises and blood
crude stitches and all
such a pity for you
you'll never see me fall
walk away from this place
go and shake your head in denial
don't let me see your face
or that oh-so charming smile
Once you leave
It will all be fine
I'll weave another story
Line by line
This time though
I'll leave you out
Take away the words
That your character would shout
Sew up his mouth
Turn his black heart inside out
Leave him with nothing
But the black ink of his name
if only my stories could be reality
such a shame......

Reviews

[Jeff Bresee]

I write most of the time in rhyme, and it is hard to do without coming off cheezy. However, that is all of the challenge. You have done a great job hear of both rhyme and flow to get across the point in a way that makes me smile...and relate.

Great job.

[Domo]

This seems very intense. Line by line the emotion and pressure it gives off gets deeper. Very good write Shannon, keep it up.

[Darkecho]

great poem

[Laura Nikkinen]

This is great, the rhythm flows, it's very playful and creates a bit of a cynical approach, but also you come across as a confident writer, person. I read it out loud and enjoyed the sound of this.The wording and the use of it is inventive (in my books at least) and there's an element of a surprise ending as well, I can be a horrible reader sometimes so I have to read things several times to make sense of them.

I liked this so much so I checked out your profile and I was shocked, you're only 14 and already coming up with this? I'm stuttering now. Thinking what the heck was I writing back then... About birds and bees and stuff.

Anyway. Thanks for sharing.

[Skai]

You know I'm probably going to be envious of you probably forever. You're such a fantastic writer. I loved the vocabulary you used. I just...I love everything you write. K, I'm done. :D

[Jonathan *break away*]

that is great..... sounds like something familiar

[Chirinos20]

A great poem. The words are great and the flow is even better. Thanks for sharing!!

[Wicahpi]

Oh! I really liked this, especially the last 12 lines.
All of it is wonderful with a roll of the tongue flow
and descriptive imagery. Well done on this little gem!
Bravo!

[cheeeeese]

very sinister poem with your description, but I loved it. And the way that you wrote is sort of choppy kind of made it flow if that makes any sense. Very strong and powerful piece, and you were very expressive in this piece. Nice job.

[Senseless whatever]

nice flow , I especially like the line by line change of feeling that goes on through most of the poem. I know you meant for that to happen.