The price of sincerity

Water droplets or tears?
I can no longer tell
Welcome friend
To my personal hell
Walls closing in
And a broken spirit
That scream..
Can you not hear it?
will you not help?
will you come to my aid?
ahh what am i saying?
Its my debt that must be paid.
Accumulated from mistakes
Drawn up from my past
and slowly now, the silence breaks
In reality, nice guys finish last....

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Shannon, Person Who Wrestled A Bear Once And Is Obviously The Person That Band Named Their Band After,

First of all, thank you for posting this and sharing it. You do have potential always rising as can be seen here. But I can be a critic heavily. That and I'm in a M&M induced high if that makes sense. Anyways diving into your work here, I do like the message you convey but I feel like there is no flow here. Stanzas and rhyming always are things to help experiment on: so what I'd do is write a poem, forcing yourself to write in four stanzas with the first and third lines rhyming and second and fourth line rhyming. It takes a while to get used to it. Using things like rhymezone.com can help with rhyming as well. Moving on, The price of sincerity is "in reality, nice guys finish last." I think you are speaking to me in that line. "Water droplets or tears? I can no longer tell. Welcome friend to my personal Hell. Walls closing in and a broken spirit. That scream... can you not hear it?" are my favorite set of lines in this. You have potential but you do have a ways to go. And if you say "screw this guy. People say I write just fine." Nobody will ever reach their perfection in honesty. Anyways, thank you for sharing, Shannon. Keep writing. Kudos. 8/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Darkecho]

Hey I am a nice guy......well most of the time lol

[Taylor H.]

this is fantastic

[Gregory H.]

i really like the last line...it is so true...

[Senseless whatever]

Very good.telling, not overpowering specially like the last line.