Moth

it's a metaphor for something, i just can't explain what...

 

Every night

I sit under the harsh,

unforgiving radiance

of fluorescent light bulbs

looking out into that smooth,

sweet darkness

and see you

ramming yourself

against the window

trying in vain

to get into the callous,

straightforward glow

of this cursed society

while all I want

is to be released

into the quiet,

tranquil dark

of the night.

 

Do you know

what you’re trying

to get into?

 

 

Do I?

Author's Note

constructive criticism is appreciated.

Reviews

[[untitled]]

This is a great piece. I absolutely love the gist of the piece as you desire to switch places with the Moth, almost envious of its freedom of responsibility and pain life often hand out to us humans, then question its intentions of the chaotic realm it wants to entire; thus, your world. The questions at the end are both philosophical and reflective. Makes me sit here and wonder myself. Very creative.

[Goblin Queen]

Very deep, and well done; it is one whole metaphor, I like it very much. I have often wondered about the moths, beautiful people who try so hard to fit in, not knowing that what they want is harmful to them. I prefer the dark myself, it is better to live as you want to, instead of trying to conform just to please! What I liked best are the questions, the never ending type that always keep you guessing.

[Lynxter]

Hi! Great poem...one of my personal favorites. Keep Writing(i know you will).

[An Open Venue]

Though this is written conversationally, it is introspective almost pensive and while most people your age (ugg that makes me old! ) want to escape any way they can, few would have the contemplative skills and imagination to capture the moments as you have.
excellent work!
Ven

[Pamela A. Lamppa]

The message in this is mature and wonderful. I enjoyed it very much. Line breaks are well executed with the last few separated just right after and momentum and build up. Very well done. One to read again. ~Pamela

[Satchmo's Gal]

So beautiful! It moved as smooth as sand, and had alot of voice in it. Keep it up!

[Jules]

Wow! amazing write! I like the one-sentence, flowing feel of it very much!! And your writing is great, the description and adjectives you use are very fitting to what you are saying! Some would maybe say there are too many but I say NO! Its perfectly good!! Plus the idea is very original and makes my imagination soar! The two questions at the end sum it up like pearls!
Most importantly is the way I can so easily (thanks to you) see the situation and believe what I'm reading!
The different tones and moods of the poems come out very clearly: doubt, perplexity, beauty, futility...
Great write!