The Mask

I nearly broke my face climbing out of my bedroom window. Uncle Jerry and Xavier had gone to the store. My orders were to stay in the house and get some rest. I had different plans.

            I stood up and dusted off my purple jogging pants. This is the worst part. I hate being away from her.  I was aching to be with her again. I longed to pull back the sheets of my bed and nestle my body against hers and feel the heat. Cooper's heat, the warmth of her breath on my skin. I know how erotic that sounds. Maybe she knew about my feeling for her. She had to. Sometimes, I think I subconsciously do things to purposely lead her on. Everything was so obvious.

            I sprinted to the far side of my yard and heaved myself over the brown, wooden fence that Uncle Jerry built over six years ago. I landed on my butt on the grass hill. I used to hide here all the time with Cooper when we were little. Sometimes for fun, and sometimes to get away from the world.

            I remember one day...she came to my house with tears streaming down her cherry red cheeks. We were ten, and her mom was fighting with one of her many boyfriends. I could see the bruises already forming on her skin. He hit her. He called her names. He made her feel worthless. She whimpered against my shirt. She didn't have a change of clothes. I could see through her torn green t-shirt. And her jeans were soaked...with blood.

            That's what hurt the most. He touched her. They all touched her. She couldn't do a thing about it. Neither could I. The process always repeated itself. Her mother would come home with another random man and drone on and on about how they were going to get married and move out of that dump of a neighborhood. The man always turned out to be some sick drunk who had nothing better to do than drink, beat a woman, and take advantage of her helpless daughter. Cooper always ran to my house, and it was always in the dead of night. She said she didn't want to draw any attention into my seemingly perfect life, so she'd hide in her closet until nightfall and then take off.

            I snapped out of that flashback forcefully. Some things were just better off forgotten.

            "Are you crying?" A soft voice floated about me.

            I looked up from the blade of grass I had been absently toy at. Chloe York was always there when I was down...literally. There isn't a day that passes by that I'm sad and she's not there. I kind of convinced myself that she was the cause of it one day. I mean, I could be crying my eyes out in a gas station and she just so happens to be pumping gas. What kind of coincidence is that?

            "No," I wiped the tears away.

            "You're lying," She plopped down next to me.

            "Can we not do this right now?" I didn't mean for the words to come out that way. They were both striking and hollow at the same time. "What do you want?"

            She had this puzzled expression on her face, "I heard about Cooper. You know how quickly stuff gets around in this neighborhood."

            "Right," I snickered falsely.

            Her fingers toyed with her brunette ponytail and she bit her lip.

            "Were you just going to sit here all day?" She asked me. "Well, for the remainder of the day, at least.

            I stood up, "Actually, I've got stuff to do."

            Her familiar glow seemed to extinguish a bit and she said, "Oh, well, I didn't want to keep you. But...Cooper's going to be okay, I can tell you that."

            "How do you know that?"

            "Because," She shrugged. "Cooper's a fighter. She's a tough girl, and so are you. That's how I know that both of you are going to be strong through this."

            I smiled, "Thanks, Chloe."

            I never admitted out loud how weak I was, and Chloe knew that. I wasn't thankful that she had recognized how strong I was, I was thankful that she didn't tell the truth. I noticed how delicate she was with me when I was down. She never tried hard to get inside my head and ask what was wrong.

            I ran my hand over my arms...and the scars.

            I went back to the day she walked in on me cutting myself. I didn't know Xavier let her in. But in one second, there she was picking up the pieces for me as if she did it every day...because she did do it almost every day.  She was crying. At first, the sight of that really hurt me because I never wanted to hurt anybody, but I was numb to the image by then. She cried a lot when she was with me and I wondered why she kept coming back to me. Why she put up with this all the time, why she rescued me over and over when I told her I didn't want to be saved. Why she kept being my friend.

            I watched her dump shards of glass into the bathroom trashcan. Her fingers had blood on them. My blood. And she sliced herself more than once on the glass as she threw it away but she didn't wince, not once. She sniffled and she wasn't looking at me and I knew why...because she hated seeing me like this.

            "And Melanie," Chloe said. "If you ever need anything...I'm here."

            There was so much promise in those big, beautiful brown eyes. I grinned and thanked her. We stared at each other for some time, unsure of how to say goodbye. A handshake or a hug was out of the question. We never touched each other.

            She was shaking, I noticed, and I was wondering, vaguely, why it was that she always shook when she was around me. She always tried to be still but she just got all stiff and she started to shake and I wished she would, for once, let her guard down and realize that I hurt almost everybody around me but I wouldn't hurt her and I hated almost everybody around me but I cared about her.

            "Chloe, I'm glad you're here," I said.

            Her face lit up. Nobody ever noticed her. She was always a happy child, and she always had something bright to say. She wanted to see people smile, and so she smiled herself. That made her cute. But cuteness only lasts so long around here. She started to fad to the background as she grew older. When people actually did notice her, they were telling her to grow up. Of course, she wouldn't. And I knew why.

            Chloe was filled with secrets; secrets that she tried so hard to keep inside. Some memories she had would never fade. I could tell that she was hurting. I wanted her to confide in me, but she just pushed me away. How do you help someone who doesn't want your help?

            I glanced up at the half full moon and the millions of stars surrounding it. It's colder than it should be on this summer night, but that didn't bother me, and now that I think about it, I was pretty sure that nothing much of anything could bother me right now. But seriously, why didn't I bring a jacket?

            "Hey, it's my job," She said halfheartedly. "Someone's got to care, right?"

            "It's funny; I bet you think I'm just this big bucket of problems."

            She shook her head. "We've all got stress. Crying is just the safest way of relieving it."

            "Cooper used to say that."

            She mumbled, "I know."

            I needed to vent. "I just can't stand knowing that while I'm out here free...she's lying weak in that hospital bed."

            "She'll be out soon."

            I nodded, "It's just a thought...I hate hospitals."

            "Why?"

            I shrugged, "I hate the sterile air and that helpless feeling you get when you enter the building. There are all those doctors going back and forth so casually like there isn't someone in that building who only has a couple minutes to live. Like they don't care that someone's life rests in their hands. People die there, Chloe, lives end."

            "Yes," She said. "But people are also born there. Lives begin, Melanie, and it's a beautiful thing. People get second chances. Miracles happen."

            "I guess you're right," My voice came out light and casual.

            She cleared her throat, "So, um, what were you off to do?"

            I knelt down and picked up a flower. It was a white daisy, all beaten and battered by the rain that had just passed.

            "I'm not sure. I just needed to get out of the house before I did something drastic to myself. My brother left with my uncle, so it was just me," I spoke blankly.

            I hate this passionless life I had begun to lead. I didn't know when it started exactly, but it felt like forever since a smile reached my eyes or all the death and poverty commercials and on the news had touched me. I was completely emotionless to the rest of the world. I knew that. My brother knew that. My uncle knew that. Cooper knew that, and just about everyone else that knew me knew that. That's why no one tried to get so close to me.

            So, why was this girl staring at me with those large googly eyes like I was some sort of saint?

            Just as I was finishing the thought, a single drop of water hit my nose. I reached up and wiped it off.

            "It's starting to rain," I chuckled.

            I glanced down at Chloe. Her face was serious; she was still staring at me...examining me this time. Her cherry lips were slightly parted, exposing only a glimpse of her two front teeth. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she twisted a loose strand of her hair between two fingers.

            "Chloe," I snapped my fingers in front of her face.

            She blinked, "Oh, I'm sorry. What did you say?"

            I narrowed my eyes, "It's starting to rain. You should come inside."

            Chloe lived four blocks away. It nearly never rained in Beckston, but when it did, it was usually lasted the whole day. And it was usually quick to strike. In less than five minutes, the streets could be flooded. It would be downright cruel to make her walk all the way home with that risk.

            But she shook her head, "I'll just go home."

            "You can't walk home in the rain. Come on, my uncle will take you once he gets home."

            "I couldn't..."

            "For me?" I asked.

            Something in those words must've meant something to her, because her eyes started to burn like fire, and that was the liveliest smile I had ever seen. I flinched when she grabbed my hand and pulled me in between the fences towards the front of my house.

            "Slow down," I grinned.

            We stopped at the front door. Just as we stepped on the porch, the rain started pouring down.

            "Just in time, right?" I said.

            The door was unlocked. It always was. Uncle Jerry never locked the front door when one of us was home. He said we were like guard dogs, and no one would dare to break in. Psh, yeah, like a hundred pound girl is going to be able to overpower robbers.

            I opened the door and stepped aside for her. I always tried my best to be the proper gentleman.

            "It's changed since I came over last time. The colors..." She traced her fingers along the aqua blue wallpaper. Uncle Jerry placed it down over a week ago. He thought it would make the house seem livelier on top of the white carpet.

            "Do you want something to eat? My uncle ordered some pizza, yesterday. The leftovers are in the fridge, we could heat it out and..."

            "I'm not hungry," She interrupted.

            Just as she said that, her stomach grumbled.

            "I think someone would beg to differ. Go ahead and watch some TV; I'll go get us a snack."

            I wasn't usually this helpful to guests. The only real guest I had over was Cooper, and she knew her way around the house perfectly. I didn't have to tell her where the bathroom was...I didn't have to tell her where my house was, for that matter.

            It was a month after we met that she came to visit me at home. I heard the doorbell ring. When I opened it, there she was with a dark blue backwards baseball cap and a white baseball uniform with the name 'Dragons' written across the chest. I assumed that was the name of her team. She was swinging a silver baseball bat with her free hand tangled in her fiery red locks. The question as to how she even found out where I lived didn’t even cross my mind until I was lying in my bed later on that night and doing a recap on the entire day.

            I snapped back to reality when the timer went off. I didn't remember putting the pizzas in the microwave, but that was happening a lot lately. I'd float through the house absently for God knows how long. Xavier said I just had a lot on my mind.

            When I came into the den, Chloe had kicked off her shoes and was on the fetal position on the couch. A soap opera was on. Really, Chloe?

            "One for you," I set a plate down in front of her. "And one for me."

            "Thank you," She squeaked.

            She wouldn't look at me.

            Her eyes were hard and her jaw was hinged, and her lips were in a tight line that made them look like they were incapable of ever smiling again.

            I felt bad. I felt bad, because out of all the times she had been there for me, I never did anything to repay her. I never solved a problem for her. I never tried to cheer her up. She never asked me to do anything. She didn't let me.

            Usually, people are nice to you, because they'll get some kind of benefit out of it. Whether it's a physical prize or an emotional benefit for knowing they've done something for someone else.

            "So, when did they say she was getting out, exactly?" She asked.

            I looked down at the pizza. I wasn't really hungry, "They could let her out tomorrow, or the day after that."

            "You really miss her," It was more of a statement.

            I nodded, "You've got no idea."

            She smiled weakly, and for a second, I thought she knew. But that was almost impossible; I made sure not to get too close to Cooper when other people were around us. Especially people who didn't even know about my sexuality. I swallowed hard.

            "Melanie, what...what happened?" She asked tentatively.

            "Nothing that I have the right to tell," I blinked.

            She squirmed, "I'm sorry."

            I picked up my slice of pizza and bit into it. It didn't have a taste. I blocked that out. I didn't eat to please my taste buds these days. I ate to stay alive, that was it.

            I realized something. She knew. She observed people, because she's in the perfect position to do so, and her observations were pretty accurate. She noticed things about people, the little things that made them human. That was how she can defend anyone and everyone, that's why she can't attack anyone. They were human, just like her. She knows about these things...about love.

            We didn't have to say anything. She knew that I knew that she knew.

            Those dark eyes were beaming up at me. It made a chill run through my entire body. I'd never seen eyes so pure and innocent, and yet...they were so secretive.

            There was this fence behind those eyes. A fence that blocked everyone from seeing that other side of her. The side that was hurting. I knew because I had been trying to pick the lock since we met. She caught on and averted her eyes to the television. I sighed tiredly and slumped down in the seat.

            "I should get going," She stood up.

            I could literally hear the rain pounding against the sides of the house. It was nearly impossible to see clearly out the window. There was no way I was letting her out.

            "Sit down, Chloe, relax," I said.

            "My parents..."

            "They'll understand," I told her.

            "Okay," She said hesitantly. "Um, could I go to the bathroom?"

            "It's down the hall. The first door on your left. The door should be open," I picked up the remote.

            Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched her leave the room. She was off, I knew that. And I wasn't the usual person to take so much interest in people for a long amount of time. But I just had this need to figure her out. To find out what was going on behind those eyes. She had to let me in.

            My nearly dropped the remote when my phone started to vibrate. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. It was my brother. I pressed 'accept' and held the phone to my ear.

            "What?" I sighed.

            "Melanie?" Xavier's voice always sounded so gruff over the phone. I felt like I was talking to a 30-year-old man.

            "What do you want?" I asked.

            "Um, we're going to be late coming home. Uncle Jerry wanted to stop by the hospital to give Cooper something to eat. You know she won't eat hospital food."

            I sat up and blinked, "But what about me? I wanted to see her, too."

            "You just saw her. And we're not gonna be there long.”

            I kicked off my shoes and swung my legs over the side of the couch. I placed my head on one of the arms rests and said, "What time are you going to be home?"

            "Um, maybe around ten."

            I looked at the digital clock on top of the television. That was a little less than three hours from now. What was I going to do with Chloe until then? Maybe it'll stop raining and I could walk her home before they get home. That reminds me...

            "Chloe's over here," I said. "It's raining, so I need you guys to take her home if it doesn't stop before you get here."

            There was silence over the line.

            "Xavier?"

            He finally said, "Yeah; yeah, we'll take her home...bye."

            He hung up before I could say anything else. I turned my phone off and set it on the table.